“Why isn’t he answering my texts?”
“Why isn’t he responding to my DMs?”
“He’s not liking what I’m posting anymore.”
“Hell, why the f*** has he unfollowed me?!”
ICYMI: Ghosting – you date someone and then they just disappear. Post continues after video.
Having spent the majority of my twenties in this horrid space of limbo many times over, I knew only too well that feeling of never quite knowing why this person didn’t want to spend time with me, let alone contact me. It’s demoralising, confidence-thumping, and just downright lazy. You’re left questioning what exactly it is about you that they didn’t think was good enough.
Which is why I surprised myself when last year I actively chose to inflict this man-child move on someone I knew; a woman.
I first met Hattie* through friends of mine. I recall the very first group dinner she attended, and my initial impression was that she was extremely assertive. Which is cool, I like assertiveness, and I take no issue with a confident woman who knows what she wants. All power to her. But over the course of the evening, the assertiveness turned into dominance. Nothing kills conversation more than an overly opinionated person who takes over the discussion. I also noticed that my own points were often swiftly challenged by Hattie. It happened once. Twice. Three times. Was it just my imagination, or was she targeting me specifically? “No, it couldn’t be”, I told myself. I shook it off, kept an open mind, and tried to look forward to the next meet up.
While the group usually met up at various restaurants around the city, this time Hattie volunteered to host a dinner at her home, and each guest was asked to bring a dish. So I carpooled with a friend, and the minute we stepped through the door, we were put to work. “Interesting greeting”, I thought to myself. I ended up cooking the main meal that Hattie provided, and my friend mixed the margaritas. In retrospect it bothers me, but at the time I considered it just an unusual way of hosting. The remaining guests arrived, and Hattie was mingling with them while we worked.