“I’m the dog, I’m the king… there’s some things you might not wanna do, but they gotta get done.”
“Nah. Nah. I just don’t do that,” the music producer and married father-of-one told New York radio show The Breakfast Club in interview footage that resurfaced online over the weekend.
“There’s different rules for men. I just can’t do what [women] want me to do.”
The internet was quick to judge the man most known for shouting “DJ Khaled” over songs with the likes of Justin Bieber and Rihanna, saying ‘he’s missing out’ and calling out the ‘double standard’.
However, this wasn’t just a blanket statement, thrown out there without explanation. The 42-year-old justified his position on going down by essentially saying it’s just not something he’s comfortable doing in the bedroom.
And that’s fine. It’s completely fine for DJ Khaled to refuse to give his wife head.
Everyone has their limits when it comes to sex. Some things aren’t for everyone and no one should ever be forced to do something they aren’t into.
But it’s only fine on one condition…
That Nicole be excused from performing the same duties. Only, she’s not, which is where this goes from being fine to not.
Rather than an act performed out of love, he sees oral sex as a transaction.
I do X, Y and Z for her. She does this for me.
His ‘work’, as DJ Khaled puts it, is telling his wife the dinner she presumably cooked was lovely, asking how her day was, and reminding her of all the lovely clothes and cars his money bought her.
Hers is giving him a blow job.
The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss the profound double standard on this week’s episode.
Oral sex is a deeply personal act, and every couple approaches it differently.
Some couples treat it as a special occasion sexual act. Something one gets as a favour and should be grateful for. Others willingly engage equally.
Then, like DJ Khlaed, there are men (and women) who see it as a one-way street.
He needs oral sex, but will under no circumstances give it in return, regardless of whether she needs it too.
With the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy finding 36.6 percent of women do indeed need clitoral stimulation – as experienced through oral sex – to orgasm, there’s a good chance she might.
So aren’t double standards in the bedroom like this one of the reasons women aren’t getting off in loving, committed relationships?
Sure, we have no idea how DJ Khaled and Nicole’s sexual dynamic works. Maybe this arrangement works for her, but that doesn’t make it right, nor a precedent we’d like to be set.
Contrary to popular (men’s) belief, not all women worship thy penis.
And that’s OK.
We are allowed our limits. But one cannot refuse to perform a sexual act – and still demand it in return.
Do you think oral sex is ever something that can be one-sided? Would it be a non-negotiable if your partner refused to perform oral sex in the bedroom?