A detailed guide to performing mind-blowing oral sex on a woman.

To be really, really good at giving oral sex, you have to be a generous person who enjoys giving as much as receiving. Being able to deliver delicious oral sex has nothing to do with being born with a big tongue, it takes skill – and it says a lot about a person.

While a decent size penis is indeed a nice bonus, that’s just Mother Nature having a generous day.

Oral sex is an act where enthusiasm is everything, being squeamish spoils and the willingness to take time is paramount.

Get it right and you inspire slavish loyalty.

Get into position

Because lots of women rely on oral sex to provide them with their orgasm and tend to take longer than men to reach one, it’s crucial the position you choose is one you’re comfortable in. Pillows are ideal to achieve this: pop one under her bum to raise her genitals and one under your arms/chest.

Making sure you’re supported and that your head/neck aren’t strained can alter both the angle and pressure of your technique – with brilliant results for both.

Check out this blog for position ideas.

Get to work

The only real expert on how and where she wants to be stimulated is your partner says sex guru Bernie Zildergeld. Never a truer word spoken.

She might well shrug and say ‘Anything’ in the beginning when you ask her what she wants because she’s shy, but you’ve given her the green light to later instruct you without fear of offending. Before your tongue has even connected, you’ve already scored major points!

The basic rules of giving her great oral, however, do tend to apply to most women:

Keep it wet. Mouths get dry and dry oral sex irritates rather than excites. Keep a glass of water handy or take mini breaks to come back up and kiss for a while. Another way to generate saliva: double your tongue back to touch the underside to the top of your mouth and hold it there for a few seconds.

Keep it slow, gentle and consistent. Most women prefer repetition when it comes to oral sex: keeping the same pressure, pace and technique won’t brand you boring but brilliant. Again though, be warned this is a generalisation. It works for most but not all – always ask and be alert to her body language.

LISTEN: Porn star Madison Missina explains the effects of different penis shapes and sizes, and discusses the variety that she’s experienced.

Flatten your tongue rather than using the tip and start with big, slow licks, keeping your tongue wide and flat. Alternate with little, fast darting ones with a tenser tongue until you can tell which she likes best.

Use one hand to pull up the fleshy part of mons – this makes it easier to see the clitoris protruding. Also try moving your head up and down as you’re licking (your tongue will tire if it does all the work). Experiment with sides – lots of women like one side of their clitoris stimulated more than the other.

Use your hands. Just as she uses her hand while fellating you, a lot of the work of cunnilingus can be done with your fingers. Use your tongue solo to begin with then insert one or two fingers inside her vagina, thrusting in time with your licks.Angle your fingers up (aim toward her pubic hair) to stimulate the more sensitive front wall of her vagina. Then surreptitiously slide one finger between her inner vaginal lips and lick alongside or around it as you slide it up and down between them gently. This intensifies the feeling and it’s hard to tell whether the sensation is coming from your tongue or finger. (Yes it’s cheating but definitely the forgivable kind!)

Try imitating a penis by making your tongue as stiff as possible and thrusting in and out of her vagina entrance. (Though in my experience, men tend to get more aroused by this than the women they’re doing it to – probably because it’s a technique that relies on penetration to excite rather than clitoral stimulation, so see whether your partner is enjoying it before continuing.)

Settle in. Act like you’ve got all day and it will make her orgasm faster. Ironic but true! The more you rush her, the less likely it is to happen. The general consensus is most women take around 20 minutes to orgasm through oral sex but that entirely depends on how turned on she was beforehand, the time of the month, how much she’d had to drink etc. Sometimes she’ll orgasm in three minutes, other times 30.

Let her know you’re enjoying it. Make noise. Groan. Say ‘Mmmmm’. Pull back, look at her displayed in front of you and say ‘Oh God’ before diving back enthusiastically.

Don’t forget other parts. Reach up to massage her breasts, use both hands to cup and massage her bottom, let her suck one of your fingers, insert a finger into her anus or apply pressure to the opening, hold her hand.

Afterwards, tell her how much you love the taste, look and smell of her genitals. Tell her how kissable/shaggable/pretty her vagina is. Even the most sexually secure woman gets paranoid sometimes about whether she looks, smells or tastes OK. It’s nice to be reassured! There’s no need to avoid oral sex if she’s having a period, while we’re on the topic. Just get her to insert a fresh tampon and pop the string inside. (Pull it back down afterward though – it’s alarmingly easy to forget it’s there!).

This post was originally published on TraceyCox.com, and was republished here with full permission.

You can read the original story, ‘The definitive guide to giving her great oral sex’, here.