The writer of this article is a 26-year-old girl who wishes to remain anonymous. She wrote the article in hopes that it could possibly help others that may feel different or ‘not normal’.
Demisexual. Not a term you hear very often, hey? In fact, I never even knew this sexuality existed, until this year.
I suppose my story starts as most do, feeling as if ‘I’ve always known something was different’ about me. I’m the daughter of a typical heterosexual couple, who met and fell in love in high school. They are both the children of heterosexual couples, who also met and began their relationships in high school. With these kind of stories in my upbringing, I guess you could say I couldn’t be blamed for believing that high school would mark the start of my future with my husband to be. It didn’t seem like there was any other option as my future.
Side note... here's a 2020 Zoom call from the future. Post continues below.
Then, I got to high school. You know the drill, girls talking about boys, boys talking about girls. Not to mention of course, the hormones. But while all of my girlfriends were spying on boys and crushing on celebrities, I found myself oddly left out. I loved my friends, I loved my sport, and I loved socialising, but when it came to boys, nothing inside me felt like it was anymore than a ‘like’.
The first few years, I thought I was just nervous, boy shy. I went along with friends to watch boy’s basketball, helped friends write texts to their new boyfriends or crushes, even pretended to have a crush on a boy in my class. Still, nothing seemed to click.
It wasn’t until year 11 that I even began to question my sexuality. Could I be into girls? There had been no signs for that either though. Maybe I just hadn’t met the right guy, or girl yet?
My first, and only, proper date with a boy came in Year 12. An older boy in my year level asked me out and surprised me by driving us to a nearby buffet lunch. He showed off by speeding, which further increased my already raging anxiety. I tried to be calm and cool, all the while convincing myself that I liked him and wanted to ‘get with him’. After all, it was getting to the end of high school and I STILL hadn’t had a boyfriend, let alone found my forever man.
The date ended terribly with him forcing a long tongue-riddled kiss on me, and me floundering for an excuse to leave.
After that, I was all but convinced that I was in fact, not a normal girl. That there was something fundamentally wrong with me, a mental and possible physical fault that could never be fixed.