dating

8 dating myths you'll wish you knew in your 20s.

The dating game. It's hard. And as singletons know, daters can be a real dicey old bunch. There's so many rules. So many dos and don'ts. So much room for error. 

And while some of these 'rules' might be legit (talking about your ex/discussing politics/saying you don't like burritos), there are definitely some silly myths out there that you need to just straight-up stop believing. 

Because it could just make this whole dating thing a teeny bit easier on you and also make it waaaay easier to attract quality relationships in the future. 

Watch: Wanna find out what your horoscope looks like on the dating field? We're just going to leave this here. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia

To help you get started, we spoke to one of Australia’s leading love and relationship experts Dr Lurve, to find out the most common dating myths you need to stop believing - STAT.

1. There must be a ‘spark’. 

According to Dr Lurve, the whole 'spark' thing is total BS.

"This is a common myth I come across a lot! When people go on first dates, they’re usually searching for that lightning bolt of chemistry… sometimes that just doesn’t happen, and the connection builds over time," said Dr Lurve.

"At least give it a second or third chance to really understand if there’s chemistry or not."

Listen to The Quicky’s full interview with Bella DePaulo and two women who are happily single by choice. Post continues below.

2. Don’t date a person on the ‘rebound’.

Nobody wants to be a rebound - but dating someone who just got out of a relationship doesn't always mean that's what you're signing up for. 

"People will tend to steer clear of dating or getting serious about someone that has just gotten out of a relationship. However, if you’ve met the right person the timing or the timeline really doesn’t matter."

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3. Online dating is desperate.

There's surprisingly still some stigma getting around the whole online dating thing. Which seems pretty silly, indeed.

"Even in the digital age, online dating still has a stigma associated with it that it must mean someone is ‘desperate’. The truth is, online dating is an incredible way to meet someone, especially when we're dealing with something like a pandemic!"

"Keep an open mind and give virtual love a chance," said Dr Lurve.

4. Men need to pay on the first date.

According to Dr Lurve, the whole 'men pay on the first date' rule is another way of thinking that you need to ditch. 

"This is an outdated misconception and archaic dating ‘rule’ that really needs to go," said Dr Lurve. "Offer to split the bill to keep things fair and if someone insists on paying, then that’s a bonus."

5. Women can’t make the first move.

Fact: Women can definitely make the first move. While some dames like the whole traditional dating scene - it's a pretty old way of thinking. 

So, pls go forth and make le moves.

"Again, this is an outdated misconception that simply hinders women’s from going with their instincts. There is nothing wrong if the woman makes the first move, in fact, some men and women find it sexy."

6. The more people you go out with, the better chance you have of meeting a partner.

Dating isn't a numbers game, friend. And there is such a thing as dating burnout/calling someone the wrong name.

"Dating too many people can come with risks. Firstly, you want to ensure you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings and secondly, you want to make sure you give each date a chance," said Dr Lurve.

"There’s only so many hours in one day, don’t over book or over complicate things and make sure you give each date your undivided attention."

7. The qualities that bother you will get worked out.

Don't... do this. Overlooking flaws or non-negotiables just because you’re sick of being single is not a thing you should do. Cause nobody wants a fixer-upper.

"I see this happen quite a lot. Some people are so keen to find themselves in a relationship, that they’ll often overlook any shortcomings or disregard the fact that the potential suitor might not be quite right just because they want a relationship."

"I believe everyone has someone out there for them, so you don’t need to settle until you find the right one. Be confident in yourself and what you want."

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8. You need to look for husband or wife material.

Woah-woah-woah. Slow down, boo. One step at a time, yeah?

"When dating, people have high expectations (which is certainly a good thing) however it’s important to not put too much pressure on things early on." 

"Go in with an open mind that this is a chance to have an enjoyable time and get to know someone better, but don’t expect this is your future wife/husband/soul mate. That doesn’t mean you should settle for bad behaviour or any form of disrespect, it just means easing up on the high hopes a little."

How to nail your dating game.

Alright. Now that we've just spent the last 12 paragraphs yell-writing about everything you're doing wrong, let's take a quick mo' to figure out what you *should* do instead.

Build your confidence.

It's time to squash those fears. Whether it's worrying about being too awkward or running out of things to say, Dr Lurve said this is an important key to landing yourself in a good relationship.

"Many people struggle to find themselves in a relationship because they’re lacking confidence within themselves. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel good and confident within yourself."

Here are some ways to boost your confidence.

Invest in yourself.

Whether it's setting long-term and short-term goals or exploring your creativity (go you!), Dr Lurve said learning to invest in yourself is a powerful way to not only build your confidence (everything we were talking about above), but it can also help you understand what you want out of a relationship.

"Rather than putting pressure on finding the one, take the focus off others and invest in yourself. Do something you’ve always wanted to, or take up that hobby you’ve been eyeing off."

Use your smile.

Turns out flashing those pearly whites could be way more powerful than you might think. 

"Our smiles are universally understood by others, conveying a sense of happiness, confidence and even approval. In fact, new Lonergan research commissioned by SmileDirectClub found that 33 per cent of Aussies are most attracted to a person’s smile." 

Forget about your ‘type’.

If you're only dating your 'type', you're doing it wrong. Dr Lurve said it's time to ditch the stringent checklist and just go with your gut.

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"Everyone likes to think they have a ‘type’ which typically refers to the type of person they’ve dated in the past, or the type of person they’re attracted to. If a person doesn’t fit the mould of your type but you’re still attracted to them, then go for it! You could be pleasantly surprised."

Let go of your rules.

If this whole article has taught you anything (pls nod), it's to try to let go of your long list of rules and expectations. Within reason, obvs.

Because according to Dr Lurve, sticking by your rule book and never budging can end up hindering your chances before you've even begun.

"Let go of your rules and keep an open mind – just because someone doesn’t fit into the box you want to put them in, doesn’t mean they can’t be ‘the one’."

Dr Lurve is one of Australia’s leading love and relationship experts and a SmileDirectClub ambassador..

Feature image: Getty

Are you guilty of believing any of the above myths? Share with us in the comment section below.

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