‘A letter to the mother with the crying baby on my flight.’

To the mother who had a crying baby on my flight,  

I felt my entire body shift as soon as I saw you stumble onto the plane with your adorable puffy-cheeked baby. 

His eyes were swollen and inflamed.

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As you slowly moved past me, I didn't feel relief. I felt pangs of guilt. When your little boy belted his first chorus of cries, I didn't feel resentment. I felt guilty.

Guilty for grimacing. Guilty for looking down at my phone. Guilty for not making a noise when one flyer sighed long and loudly while looking at you.

As your baby cried and cried and cried, I couldn't help but feel so terribly guilty.

Your exact same situation happened to my sister just a year before while she was flying to visit me. 

I had begged her to bring her daughter so I could meet her. I'd told her the baby would be fine and settled for the flight. I'd reassured my sister that everything would be okay, but I'd heard that the baby cried the entire flight. 

My sister had felt hopeless and self-conscious until a kind stranger offered to take the baby and walk her down the aisles. I couldn't believe it when I heard the story but my sister, while still grateful, shrugged. It made sense a fellow mother would understand the exhaustion of another. 

I wished I'd been brave enough to be the person who asked if you needed a hand.

My niece had been your child only 10 months before, after all. I should know better. 

There have been plenty of screaming babies on the same flights as me. The first time it happened and I was an adult, I rolled my eyes and sulked into my flying pillow. 

Then I went home, told my family and expected them to agree with me as well. I waited for them to also roll their eyes, spill out an airy laugh and tell their own horror story. Instead, one member glared at me before saying, "Just imagine how that baby's mother would feel."

It didn't sink in immediately and I didn't feel bad for that mum initially. Like some others, I thought it was unfair to be subjected to a crying baby for however many hours I'm in the air. 

But I got it eventually, how scary it is to be a baby out of their comfort zone, surrounded by hundreds of unfamiliar faces with only their mother's lap to sit in. I thought how difficult it must be for a mum flying with their unaware, confused child too. I reasoned it would be so frightening to know you are taking your child into an uncomfortable living situation for hours on end. I thought about how difficult it must be to know this and have no choice but to do it, anyway. 

You would think in 2023 that airlines would accommodate parents and their children. 

You'd think a silent room, breastfeeding room or even a slightly bigger bathroom would all be realities instead of far-away dreams. 

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When the flight was finally over, you waited kindly for the rest of the plane to shuffle off before you. You kept your face low and gave away a tight-lipped smile when a few people caught your eye. 

I tried to return the same one when I eventually stood up myself. I imagined I'd be able to express my understanding and tell you any guilt you might be feeling is not your fault.

I hoped, in my arrogance, that a quick smile from me could make you feel better.

But when I stood to look at you, your face was turned to the window and your baby had quietened down for what felt like the first time since you'd stepped on the plane. At that moment, I really hoped all you felt was just a little bit of peace.

To the mother who had a crying baby on my flight, I hope you're okay and I am sorry. 

Really, really sorry. 

Feature Image: Supplied.