'I desperately need to talk about that wild Cole Sprouse interview.'

This week, something major happened. 

My childhood crush, Cole Sprouse, did an interview. And not just any interview - but one with Alex Cooper for the Call Me Daddy podcast.

My world imploded. 

Watch a snippet of Cole Sprouse's interview on Call Me Daddy. Post continues after audio. 

Alongside his identical twin brother Dylan, Sprouse was the star of the Disney Channel show The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and then eventually The Suite Life On Deck. 

He's since starred in Riverdale and it's clear he's been trying to shed his reputation as a "goody two shoes", 

However, it seems he may have taken it too far.

Cole and Dylan Sprouse on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, 2007... They were 14 years old. Image: Disney.

Before we begin, we must make it utterly clear how private Sprouse is. He doesn't really do interviews. Or talk about his family. Or speak unless spoken to. 

But in the interview with Cooper, Sprouse spoke openly about everything you'd ever want to know about a teen actor who is now very much a man. And about some things you definitely wouldn't want to know. 

He spoke frankly about how he had been a money-making machine for his mother - who he is now estranged from - since he was eight months old.  

He also opened up about privilege and nepo-babies in Hollywood. 

But the reason I desperately need to talk about this interview is to discuss the things Sprouse probably, er, shouldn't have mentioned. 

Like the fact he lost his virginity to a girl by asking her, "DTF?" when he was 14 years old. 

"This is such a great story," he said - which I would dare argue is untrue. 

He continued, "I feel like it says so much about me. I was 14 when I lost my virginity, so this is still bowl-cut guy."

Sprouse explained he was on a family holiday in Florida when he met a girl a few years older, who definitely had a crush on him. 

Then he admitted to being nervous to share this information and I would be too because WHY ARE YOU TELLING THIS STORY? IT SHOULD BE BURIED DEEP IN YOUR BRAIN AND ONLY COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO SLEEP.

"I finally mustered up enough courage to deliver a line that my brother [Dylan] has never, ever let down from me. I looked at her, and I was like, ‘So, are you like, DTF?’ She goes, ‘What?’ And I go, ‘You know, down to f**k?’ I was 14," he recalled. 

Sprouse also publically shamed his brother for being a "huge bully" when they were in high school.

"He would beat them up," he said of his brother, who was ironically also a bully on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. "Then I became known as the twin that would come up and be like, 'I’m so sorry for my brother.'"

For reference, this is what the Sprouse twins looked like in high school: 

He (left) was definitely a bully. I would have let him bully me. Image: Getty.

What feels most important to mention is everything he said about his relationship with his Riverdale co-star Lili Reinhart. 

The pair dated for around two years before they split up in 2020. 

When asked about what happened, he answered wistfully. 

"I know we both did quite a bit of damage to each other," he said. 

"I think if I had loved myself a little more, I probably would have left a little earlier, but I just felt like I had to take care of a lot of people, which was not good for me. I probably should have exercised a bit more selfishness in that situation," he added.

Listen to Lowbrow, hosted by Holly Wainwright and Shannen Findlay as they breakdown the most defining pop culture moments of their generation. Post continues after audio. 

Oh, and did I forget to mention that Sprouse lit up a cigarette in the podcast studio and smoked throughout the interview?

Sir, why?

Like, c'mon. Image: Spotify.

While puffing on his comically long cigarette, he said that he and Lili are still "good friends" before casually dropping in that he has been cheated on by "almost every single" one of his exes. 

Which, to me, doesn't sound like you are still good friends with Lili Reinhart, mate. 

Nevertheless, Sprouse didn't seem all too concerned with how he would be perceived by the Call Me Daddy audience. Which, if you're wondering, has torn him to absolute shreds. 

smoking inside while podcasting has me laughing out loud

— RAW SEX NATIONALIST (@broadelaire) March 7, 2023

He has the ego of someone who’s making relevant, groundbreaking movies when he’s in friggin Riverdale. pic.twitter.com/q6Pi4dQeVZ

— Vale  (@ValeWolf) March 7, 2023

Honestly he needs to be in some anti smoking ads cause he makes it look sooo uncool I’d quit

— Mason 18+ (@MasonFleshwood) March 7, 2023

In the end, I think we can all finally now say we know why Sprouse doesn't do interviews. 

Feature Image: Spotify/Mamamia.