Last week Chrissy Teigen posted a personal essay to her Instagram about her decision to publicly document, in photos, the loss of her son, Jack, at 20 weeks gestation.
In the weeks prior Chrissy had posted frequently while she was in hospital on bed rest, sharing with her followers her experience with partial placental abruption, which affects the baby’s supply of nutrients and oxygen.
The essay detailed the moment the doctors told her her baby wouldn't survive, her request to her husband, John Legend, to take photos of the birth and how she’s been feeling in the weeks after.
Watch: A tribute to the babies we've lost. Post continues below.
She posted the essay five days ago and I have found myself going back to read it several times since.
At first I didn't know why I kept rereading it. Sure, it was because it’s so refreshing to get an insight into a celebrity’s experiences, first hand. It’s rare that us ‘normals’ get to feel exactly that - normal - because a famous person feels pain and loss, out of their control, just like we do. She showed us she is human and in turn made all of us feel human, too.
But two things in particular struck me about what she wrote.
She asked both her husband and her mother to take photos of the experience, no matter how ‘uncomfortable’ the situation became. Her husband, John, was reluctant to do so until she explained to him that she needed the photos to remember this milestone in their lives.
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We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.