I have this friend. She’s aesthetically stunning. One of those girls who walks into a bar and every male head turns to look. She could’ve been a model. On a deeper level, she’s intelligent. Well-travelled. A fantastic conversationalist. Warm. Loyal.
You get the idea. A real catch.
The problem is she’s had her heart broken. The love of her life trampled all over it. Then when he was done shattering it into a thousand pieces, he reversed back, spat on the remnants, and sped off.
The other day, we were discussing how difficult it is to find a good man. Classic single girl chat, when she hit me for a six.
She’d decided her best days were behind her. She was no longer young and beautiful like she once was. Therefore the only reasonable conclusion is that she will never find someone who wants to date her.
“In some ways my upcoming birthday is good, because I can use it as a milestone to just accept that love wasn’t for me and totally let it go.”
I was floored. Despite her many redeeming qualities, she couldn’t see herself for the person she was. Her self-esteem had been shot. She believed the stories he told her. She isn’t enough. If she was, he wouldn’t have left.
How could such a beautiful, special soul, give up on herself so easily because one man couldn’t see her worth?
Easily, it turns out. Because I’d done the exact same thing. After giving her some advice about the importance of loving herself, and reminding her of how special and amazing she is, that familiar little voice piped up.
Hypocrite, it scoffed. Excuse me? I responded.
All you do is beat yourself up. Day in. Day out. It’s your body’s fault he walked out on you because it didn’t lose its baby weight quickly enough. It’s your stomach’s fault for looking flabbier than it did when you first met him.
It’s your face’s fault for not being as beautiful the other girls you catch him looking at. It’s your fault he left. You were just never enough. How can you possibly be giving her advice, when you’re just as bad, if not worse?