couples

'My husband and I have a boring relationship. But that doesn't mean it's dull.'

My first fiancé proposed to me at a Sonic Youth concert. I was so drunk that I didn’t remember if the proposal had actually happened when I woke up the next morning.

Our relationship was built on adrenaline.

We ran from the cops a couple of times. I learned how much I loved drinking to black out. We spent money we didn’t have and stole things we didn’t need. We fought like feral cats. We broke up; we got back together.

"Love" for us meant a racing heart. If our pulses weren’t elevated, we weren’t doing it right.

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My relationship with my husband is boring, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Some couples might lie to you and say things like, "S/he still surprises me every day!" My former fiancé surprised me every day, and those weren’t all that great.

I like that my husband doesn’t surprise me anymore, that he’s so wonderfully predictable.

Our love feels like a soft pair of sweatpants. It’s a warm bath or warm beverage. It’s the smell of clean laundry.

We know what each other likes.

When it comes to restaurants or date ideas, we each know explicitly what the other does and doesn’t like.

That’s not to say that we don’t try new things, but if my husband runs to Taco Bell and I forget to tell him my order, he knows what to get me. It also means that if we can’t think of a fun date night idea, we have our list of favourites.

Spontaneity is never the magic ingredient.

I don’t know why couples believe this is the way to retain a "spark". I hate spontaneity. It makes me anxious. I sweat profusely. First dates are built on this sort of "fun", but your years-long relationship shouldn’t have to.

I appreciate knowing that my husband is going to be home when he says it is, or that he’ll let me know if he’s running late.

I like the fact that I can count on him, and that he isn’t going to drop plans on me at the last minute.

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Reliability and security is the opposite of excitement.

Waiting on a guy to text me and not knowing if he will doesn’t make me feel secure, but it sure as heck was exciting (it sure as heck also hurt my self-esteem).

If you want to know someone cares about you and have them regularly show it through their actions, expect to kiss that excitement away.

My husband isn’t whipping out tickets for us to go to Las Vegas anytime soon, but he also isn’t ghosting me when I suggest we get more serious.

I love being with the same boring person every day.

A lot of people talk about long-term relationships being so awful because you’re with the same person forever.

What’s so awful about that? I love that!

This person makes me happier than anyone, so why would I not want to see that goofy lovable mug as much as possible?

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We know what makes each other happy and do those things as much as possible.

My husband loves fitness and was worried our local gym would close again, so we bought a treadmill for our home.

I love books, so he got me a membership to Scribd, so I wouldn’t run out of books anytime soon.

Because we know that our partner being happy improves our relationship, we prioritise that.

If you have to keep "reinventing" your relationship, you aren’t compatible.

If you’re not cool with the humdrum, the mediocre, the Wednesday night instead of Saturday night kind of love, then how will "reinventing" it help?

If you can’t enjoy being with someone when it’s boring, it won’t be any better after you "spice" it up.

Boring doesn’t mean the same as dull.

My partner is my best friend. I know him like I know my favorite grilled cheese recipe. I know whatever we do is always going to be fun. That doesn’t mean dull. That means guaranteed.

This post originally appeared on Medium and has been republished with full permission. 

Tara Blair Ball is a Relationship Coach and Writer. Check out her other work at tarablairball.com, and sign up to get her FREE "Be a Match for Your Dream Relationship" worksheet here.

Feature Image: Getty/Mamamia.