It’s almost over, guys. The Bachelor is almost over.
But in last night’s episode, I noticed that Snezana said something along the lines of “Sam and I have only really had three dates”.
‘Hang on one wee minute, Snezzy’, I thought to myself. ‘How have you only had three dates? It feels like you’ve been in the house since Y2K’.
And then my brain started ticking over, something it rarely does while watching The Bachelor. I had questions. So many questions. And now that there is only one more episode in which they could be answered, I feel that, like so many of the Bachelorettes, I’m going to be left hanging.
So, help me, but here’s what’s keeping me up about Bachelor business.
Questions The Bachelor has left us with:
1. What the HELL do the girls do all day when they aren’t being singled out for dates? Is it like Big Brother in there? Or some kind of sweat shop?
2. What is the sleeping arrangement? Solo rooms? Bunk beds? One giant love-heart-shaped bed that all the girls spoon in, rotating every 30 mins?
3. How long are they actually in the house? I know that filming finished before the show started airing, but does a rose ceremony happen once a week? Or once a day? What is the schedule, people?
4. When do they pack when they get suddenly kicked out (like Jacinda did, and Bec) or do they just leave all their shit at the house and it gets divided between the remaining girls? Or do they all just carry secret suitcases with them at all times?
5. How do the mid-date interviews work? Do the producers legitimately break up a romantic moment to pull them aside so they can commentate on the romantic moment they just had?
6. Are they friends with the camera crew? Can they make-out with the camera crew? What if there is a cameraman who is better than the Bachelor? Or a camerawoman who Sam prefers? Can she have a rose?
7. The girls with important jobs – how did they get time off work? Is there some ‘reality TV leave of absence’ that is completely missing from my work contract?
8. How often do they actually see the Bachelor? Once a week? Once a month? Why not just shove him in there and let them fight it out?