Modern etiquette: How to tell people you don’t want them putting photos of your baby online.

In a world where some kids have a social media presence before they’re even born, the online risks have never been higher.

From the moment you make your pregnancy Facebook official with an ultrasound snap or (terrifying?) 3D video — you may as well create a whole new profile for your impending arrival. 

I mean, thank God we had baby books back in my day so those embarrassing photos are stored in the attic and not a Facebook album. Because these days, those mortifying moments are more likely to end up as a viral sensation.

Watch: Ask Mia Anything - children on social media. Post continues after video.

“Every parent and family has their own values around that,” Associate Professor Elizabeth Westrupp, a Child Clinical Psychologist from Deakin University, told Mamamia. 

“But we do know that there are real risks and dangers online, so it’s good to keep any photos of your child online to a bare minimum. And I think in the community there is growing awareness of that and acceptance of it.”

So, when it comes to raising a baby in 2023, how do you tell your well-meaning friends and family that you don’t want your kid plastered all over the internet?

It’s okay to feel awkward – and yes, you're being totally reasonable.

If you feel weird about saying no to your mates and MILs posting snaps of your kiddo, know that it's normal (especially in today's world of "pics or it didn't happen"). “I would validate that it’s a really tricky situation to navigate, particularly as a new parent, when you can get a lot of support and excitement from friends, family and the community,” Westrupp said.

“That can feel really lovely and you might feel like you don't want to then appear to be ungrateful and push back on that. So I think it's really understandable that people can feel quite awkward about how to manage this."

But, Westrupp added, it's also "very reasonable to do that as a parent who has a little person completely dependent on them to protect them".

Keep it simple and empathise.

“My advice would be to be direct and gentle, and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes," Westrupp said. "Empathise with them in what they are wanting."

For example? “You could say, ‘It’s so lovely that you are really excited about my baby and I love that picture, could you send it to me? But just so you know, I've made a decision not to post anything online,'" Westrupp suggested.

“Just keep it really simple and phrase it in a way where you show that you understand that the other person has good intentions.”

Be open and honest.

“In situations where parents do have strong views about not sharing photos of their children online, that is something they should have honest and open conversations about with their family and friends to explain their perspective and what their choice is,” psychologist and Associate Professor at the University of Queensland, Alina Morawska, told Mamamia.

Listen to the hosts of The Quicky discuss why parents are deleting photos of their kids. Post continues after podcast.

“I think the bottom line is really just being open and communicating to others what your perspective is, and perhaps sharing why you've made that choice or why you would prefer others not to take photos of your babies.” 

Keep in mind the context.

In some ways, it does depend on the context of the situation, Morawska said.

“It’s a little bit different having that conversation with your own family members or your very close friends, versus if you're in a public space or with acquaintances when people are just taking photos," she added. 

"That's a different conversation and a different level of detail or information that you might provide.”

Don’t feel the need to explain yourself.

At the end of the day, what gets shared about your child online is your choice, and you don't need to justify that. 

“You don't need to fully explain your own decision,” said Westrupp. “You don't need to explain, even to your closest family members, your reasons. You can create the boundary and just leave it there.

“Most people won't feel comfortable with that because we often over-explain ourselves but you can just say, ‘Actually, I've decided not to post any content online,’ and then just leave it there. I think delivered really confidently and calmly, and if you can, with sweetness and recognition that this person has only got the best intentions, then I think that will help it go over smoothly.”

Who knew it could be so simple?!

Image: Getty.

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