I've decided to come up with a list of things our kids do that annoy us. The things we think but don't say, because there's this big stigma around parenting and God forbid we feel anything but love and joy!
So here is a list I'm sure we can all relate to. Make sure you tag your mummy friends!
Watch: Things mums never hear. Post continues below.
1. Scouting our food.
You fix the kids a snack and after a long day of eating the kids' leftovers you make yourself one too.
All of a sudden the seagulls swoop in, looking at your food like they haven't eaten for days and say things like, "hey mum, is that your snack?", "that looks good mum", and hover until you give in and share - something which they're incapable of doing.
Even in the dead of the night, somehow they manage to cockblock you. "But mummy we're not tired, we wanna play." Yes but so do mummy and daddy! We like to have fun too, you know!
3. "HEY WATCH ME!"
11am Covid press conference starts and still they have something more important to divert your attention. You look and the little buggers spin and stand on their head with a leg kicked in the air.
You fake smile and clap like you actually enjoyed that performance (meanwhile mummy does this after four glasses of wine so try and compete with me, I dare ya!)
What's with the whining? Just say 'mum' and be done with it. You don't need to exaggerate. I'll make you a bloody drink. Mummy will make herself one too! Look, now mummy has patience - yay!
5. Bedtime stalling.
This too falls under the category of cockblocking. You don't need 10 waters and the meaning of life right now. Just go the f*ck to sleep!
6. Pointing out your flaws.
I am comfortable with my body until my kids point out I haven't had a bikini wax for three months and my boobs hang. "Mummy, do you have a baby in your belly?"
"No darling, mummy's metabolism goes at the speed of a turtle ever since she gave birth to you."