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grumpier monster January 19, 2021

A group of us took our kindergarden aged children to see Madagascar. The kids watched a lot of tv including things like Star Wars so we weren't worried about them watching a kid's movie. 

We were so wrong!. 
They cowered on the floor crying with terror when the lion chased the zebra.
I think they identified with the situation of friends turning on friends and chasing them with evil intentions. (Kinder kids sometimes do that.) Whatever the reason, it struck a chord and they were frightened to death.  

grumpier monster January 17, 2021

I hope they can get access to appropriate food and some in-room equipment. 

grumpier monster January 13, 2021

I've only watched the first four episodes and I like it but I get a little bit irritated by the way marriage is presented for women. Housewives are important. Depending on who they marry, they are responsible for huge staffs and huge budgets not to mention supporting their husbands political and economic endeavours. It should really be compared to being a senior manager at a firm. In a better story it should be obvious that Daphne wants to be the manager of a large household with plenty of resources and not a tiny, struggling one. Likewise, it' should be obvious that given it is supposed to be a lifetime appointment with the company, it should be obvious that she should enjoy the work and share the same values as her 'boss'. But no! Let's focus on sex and love as though that's all women are capable of valuing unless they want to 'rebel' and be an independent woman (i.e. a modern woman).  

grumpier monster January 12, 2021

I'm whining. I'm pre-diabetic and hypertensive so I avoid food that is high in carbs (especially high GI carbs), salt, and fat. Some friends are vegans. Some friends are sensitive to gluten. Some friends are sensitive to salicylates. Some suffer from IBS. Some have nut allergies. Some are lactose allergies. Some are just fussy with their food. Sometimes I like them to eat together at my house or to go out together. People with special food requests might feel that people aren't sympathetic, but when nearly every person I know has a special dietary need (including myself), it's important to remember that catering to everyone is stressful. Which returns us to the idea of meeting without food (or drink). 

grumpier monster December 31, 2020

I will never understand how unhappy couples share a bedroom. The first step of a separation is moving out of the bedroom. If the spare room (in this scenario) is full of the other person’s stuff then it should be moved by the author if necessary. 

grumpier monster December 20, 2020

I love Christmas and all the prep. When the kids were little, they went into childcare whilst I devoted the day to shopping and wrapping presents. On Christmas Day we used to do the great unwrap and have breakfast together and then their father takes them out to a park, playground, or even the zoo until 12 whilst I relax by cooking and tidying up unencumbered. (I like cooking and a clean house).  Then my husband/their father serves the food whilst I chit chat with guests/kids and only help with food prep if I need a break from socialising. 

A long time ago I read a book called Games People Play. (It was based on psychoanalysis.). One of the games was ‘Harried’ where a person (usually mum) overburdens herself trying to be the best mum, entertainer, cook, wife, etc and then has a meltdown when the guests arrive (or the presents get opened or whatever). The solution to ending the game was for ‘mum’ to limit herself to only one role. She can try to be the best mum or entertainer or cook but not everything. Only one. Of course the game can’t end if ‘dad’ is also playing a companion game of ‘poor me’. 
I don’t necessarily agree with psychoanalysis but it was an interesting proposition. 

grumpier monster December 13, 2020

Half of me is sympathetic. I didn’t like the baby stage either. 

The other half is antagonist. Who gets free-time because they don’t like doing a task? Is that what happens at work? I can just imagine it! 
Worker: Hey boss, I find meetings (or some other task) boring and stressful. 
Boss: That’s no good. You should have a longer lunch break whilst we hold the meeting/do the task without you because we all feel sorry that you don’t like doing your job. Don’t worry. We won’t think of replacing with someone  else who’s more up to it. 
DH needs some support from an expert to help him transition. Other kinder commentators have great suggestions and links. 

grumpier monster December 7, 2020

Covid dramatically increased the amount of work my husband did. With the 1 hour time limit outside the home, he spent nearly all the rest of his time either at work or catching up with work he could do at home. Even whilst watching tv  he'd be doing data entry. No weekend was complete without spending 3 or 4 hours on a conference call. It was insane. I have no idea how much this was due to the flexible work hours of other people or just generalised anxiety about covid or the limited opportunities to do somethin other than work. He ended up being diagnosed with anxiety about 2 months ago. His fitbit clearly shows his resting heart rate dramatically increasing during the stage 4 restrictions. I know this article is about the impact on women and their worklives and that the impact on them has truly been huge. I am  pointing out that the endless work opportunities (aka flexible work) spilled over into everybody's lives and it hasn't been a good thing.

grumpier monster December 5, 2020

I was one of three kids. 

Fact 1 
each parent only has two hands so one kid doesn’t get to hold their hand/be by their side. 
Fact 2: 
it’s squashy in the back seat of a car which leads to more arguments. 
Fact 3
It’s easy to triangulate against one of the three based on gender, age, size, etc. 
fact 4
Most bulk things can’t be readily divided between 3 or five. 
I hated being one. I can’t imagine what induces people to choose to have a third. 

grumpier monster December 4, 2020

Kids become addicted to computer games because it makes them feel competent and useful. A 20 yo hiding in his room, knowing he fails at simple household chores won't have the self-efficacy to get a job. It is beyond optimistic to hope that he will.

The mum needs to start again. Perhaps get her son to teach her how to play video games first so that she knows what kind of feedback he's used to hearing and how often. (Video games are fantastic at developing competence using positive reinforcement and advice.) It'll probably help to remind the kid that most people don't like household chores and ask him which one he wants to learn first. Assume that he wants to be a valued, competent team player.

I imagine some people will feel angry with this kind of softly-softly approach. I humbly suggest that normally kids start being humoured through this phase as toddlers. It's not the 20 yo's fault he wasn't. Both parties need to accept that mistakes were made and that they need to move onto correcting them. For both their sakes.

grumpier monster December 3, 2020

@cat I thought vitamin d deficiencies were common in Tasmania and to a lesser extent other states. When I’m tested for diabetes I am routinely tested for vitamin d deficiency. Despite my tan the dr is amazed that my levels are so high and asks if I take a supplement. 🤪

grumpier monster December 1, 2020

Thank you for this article. I have been a little concerned. 

This puts some of my concerns to rest. Not completely. I’d still like to know how long they monitor for non-critical side-effects normally and in this scenario. 

grumpier monster November 29, 2020

I totally agree. I stand with Dan, but if his determination made me follow his rules when I would have stopped. I was impressed that he prioritised  the health experts, not the economists. On the plus side, it seems that he has accepted that he might lose the next election and has doubled down on getting the state back on track. He is borrowing money and trying to make a big difference. 

grumpier monster November 29, 2020

Excellent article. I hope the Powers that be read it too and decide that they are responsible for reprogramming veterans. 

grumpier monster November 27, 2020

Even if they aren’t convicted, we now know for a fact that they are a lousy lay. Inattentive and rough. If they were a restaurant that kind of bad press would see them go broke. Hopefully it’ll be the same for them. From now on every woman who thinks of flirting with them reads the ‘review’ and decides she deserves better. 

grumpier monster November 18, 2020

Well said. The first zero today despite a huge number of tests. I hope it is the first of many. 

grumpier monster November 2, 2020

I used to think that mediation would be the way forward. A feminine, collaborative method for the two people in conflict to respectfully communicate about their needs and fears, etc and find a solution to either peacefully separating or trying to overcome their relationship challenges. 

I'm less sanguine now.

Some mediators and many participants seem to have just transferred the combative court process into the mediation room. Victims are scared and both sides play the victim card in order to gain the advantage in the negotiation.

It's a shame. It wasn't meant to be like this. However, I can readily imagine a time when abusive men are claiming to be victims of coercive control by their "manipulative" partners.

grumpier monster October 30, 2020

I started talking to the random stranger next to me in a lecture theatre. We had a lot in common, including not knowing many people, I offered to lend her a pet crate and we became friends. She asked me to join a netball team that she had just joined and I did even though I was never good at it and had rarely played. So I made another half dozen friends. We each had a lot of parties and friends of friends were welcome so I made another dozen friends.

 That was 25 years ago and I’ve moved away a few times, but I’m still friends with the person I met in the lecture theatre and many of the netball friends. I’m FB friends with one of the friends of friends. 
I’ve moved again to my childhood state of origin. I’ve re-friended people from high school, but I wish I had more friends who lived nearby. It’s hard work during a pandemic especially as I don’t have a job or a car. 

grumpier monster October 27, 2020

Why isn’t it wholesome?

grumpier monster October 27, 2020

Sometimes I read these stories and wonder if some people are naive or romantic about family relationships. Lucy’s story seems to be about a weak father and an insensitive mother. It’s sad that we are related to people who are weak or insensitive, but most people are. And, as a tip, don’t rely on people’s social media pages or party speeches for an accurate picture of a relationship. That is the edited highlights. 

As the other stories show, some people have dangerous relationships with their folks. Obviously these can’t be healed. 

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