It’s an experience to which many of you may relate… your very first Big Fat Positive [BFP] pregnancy test. You’re filled with a mix of teary joy and sheer terror; of relief and immediate panic (it worked! Oh my god, how much do we have to buy? Where can we learn to change a nappy? They have YouTube videos for that stuff, right?)
While I’m hoping that these reactions are normal, what I didn’t expect were the following responses from my closest friends:
“Oh that’ll definitely be me soon!”
“I won’t be able to get you expensive baby stuff.”
“Just don’t get too excited; it’s early. I wouldn’t get too attached, you know?”
“Be prepared for disappointment at your first scan; you won’t see anything.”
“Maybe I should get pregnant now too.”
“Just know that some people aren’t cut out for pregnancy. I learned the hard way.”
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
In fact, the most positive reactions were from the fabulous baristas at my local cafe (hugs, squeals and congratulations). They even consoled me that I’d have to switch to decaf.
So why were my friends so quick to kill my joy? I understand the desire to warn others about the risks, I do. But it completely killed the excitement for me. It deterred me from wanting to share milestones with them for fear of what would come next.
“Oh you found out the sex? Well they’re often wrong you know; don’t go painting your nursery…”
The main issue for me is that of course I’m already worrying enough as it is. I am at full worrying capacity. Every woman worries. We want to be cautiously optimistic, without being reminded constantly by well-meaning friends that the worst may happen. But please can you let me enjoy it while I can, no matter what happens?