Firstly, no, but secondly…. also no.
You can’t just keep going on different versions of The Bachelor to try to find love, especially when it’s an approach that doesn’t appear to be working.
But, alas, it appears Osher has taken a liking to Ali, ever since she BROKE HER LEG JUMPING FROM A BOAT IN SEASON ONE AND HAD TO HAVE TWO CORRECTIVE SURGERIES AND A KNEE RECONSTRUCTION.
Osher has felt guilty ever since and, honestly, fair enough.
So now Ali is.... singing... and we all have to watch it.
The trailer begins with Ali looking downcast and pensive because she's 32 and single which, as everyone knows, is a modern day tragedy.
But... goodness.
We are three seconds into the trailer and Channel 10 is already trolling Ali and we like it very much.
Watch Ali's first trailer for The Bachelorette. Post continues after video.
The 'health lifestyle motivator' which isn't a job but okay, is sitting on a set of stairs. As in... a set of blocks that connects one level to another level.
And as anyone who has closely followed the drama which is Ali Oetjen's relationship history would know, there was an... incident... on the stairs.
Look. We're not here to verify the legitimacy of Grant Kemp's claims but we are here to say they are bizarrely specific.
After Bachelor in Paradise aired, Grant told investigative journalists Kyle and Jackie O that Ali got a lil' tipsy at his LA home one night, and was orally pleasured by his best friend. On some stairs. That is... that's just not a story one forgets.
The stairs are obviously a reference to her troubled backstory and thank YOU Channel 10.
Osher then appears as God/Gandalf and why do we feel like he had a lot everything to do with the directing of this trailer.
He says he's here to help Ali find Mr Right and, um, we don't trust you. Your track record is frankly... appalling lately. (See: Bachelor in Paradise).
Ali starts dancing, somewhat reluctantly, and there's nothing else to say except that this is terrible and, yes, we wholeheartedly believe it is her voice we are hearing.
The song tells us Ali is very upset about heartache, while being surrounded by men with signs suggesting they... suck. One man holds up a sign identifying himself as 'Mr. Cheater' and Ali, DID YOU DO A CHEAT OR NO. Pls, address this. It's important.
The lyrics are "You can't hurry love," which is of course ironic because it's an ad for a show where Ali will be aiming to find a life partner in an intensive eight-week time period.
So, apparently you can hurry love.
Ali most definitely won't have to wait.
Love will come easy, and Osher will make up some unnecessarily complex game about give and take.
... Sorry. The song is just super... catchy.
In essence, we have two overwhelming thoughts about Ali's Bachelorette trailer.
- That was... a lot.
- Make it stop.
But also... don't.
