1. Zayn Malik has released a poem called ‘Morning Zoem’ and we are 1000% not joking.
Yes, that Zayn Malik. The One Direction Zayn Malik. Zayn Malik Zayn Malik.
Jokes aside, it’s not the worst thing we’ve ever read.
Called Morning Zoem (Okay, THAT we need to talk about) it begins: Like a shameless flower/Cries at every wedding/You don’t have feelings/You just have petals.
Touching on identity, technology and human connectivity, it’s not clear how Malik wants it to be read. Somberly? Like slam poetry? Clapped to a beat?
Either way, these are some DEEP THOUGHTS people.
He even signed it off with his name as author and a date. Just so you know this is a piece of Zoetry.
2. Speaking of One Direction dudes acting bloody weird, Liam Payne wants you to know you have “PLANE LAG”.
It appears Zayn Malik wasn’t the only one going desperately rogue on social media this week, with Liam Payne channeling his inner 12-year-old, and feeling compelled to tell you that if you ride in normal planes, you’re a peasant.
Dressed in tracksuit pants with the Mona Lisa on them (no, not the punch line) and not one, but two different jackets, Payne, for no apparent reason, wrote:
“You only get jet lag from a jet, the rest of yall have got plane lag #NOF**KS.”
Did we mention he has a kid?
Lols. Guess we all have plane lag then. Darn.
3. Georgia Love and Lee Elliott’s Dubai holiday was splendid right up until the moment it really, really wasn’t.
We would like to send our uttermost condolences to Georgia Love and Lee Elliott who have been through a very trying ordeal these past 15 hours.
If you haven’t heard, the pair have been having an A-grade holiday in Duabi. Disney references were made, desert sand dunes were surfed, it was amazing… until it wasn’t.
One moment it was all sad faces with Instagram puppy filters on the plane back from Dubai, and next minute it was food poisoning on a “13 hour economy class fight.”