My daughter has always hated bananas. They are her least favourite fruit. She’ll eat anything else except for bananas and that’s just fine by me. As long as she eats some fruit I am happy.
When she came home last week and asked for bananas to be added to the fruit rotation for her school recess I should have been immediately suspicious. What was going on? Had my daughter been abducted by aliens and replaced with a clone? That’s how shocked I was at her banana request. That’s how thrown I was by her new-found love of bananas.
I demanded to know what was going on. Why did she suddenly love bananas so much after a lifetime of loathing them?
“Mum, Violet’s mum writes on her bananas,” she said to me the next morning as I shoved her banana into her brown bag with a packet of chips, while taking desperate sips of my morning coffee, while waiting for the iron to heat up, while yelling at my son to hurry up in the shower.
"She writes on her bananas?!?" Clearly this was a joke.
"She writes Knock Knock jokes on them and sometimes she draws pictures on them. She writes that she loves her. She does it every day."
S**t s**t s**t s**t s**t.
To the mum who writes on her daughter's bananas,
Why have you decided to ruin my life? Because of your decision to not only feed your child at school but love them and amuse them too, you have now destroyed my mornings which were already teetering on the brink of total destruction due to the whole working-mother-of-three thing.
It's not like I can write on the bananas in advance! They get ripe quickly. That means not only do I have to select the bananas carefully, at their perfect state of ripeness, I now have to think of something to write on them.
I wanted my daughter to understand how ridiculous it was for her to request that I write on her school bananas. "Mummy doesn't have time," I pleaded.
"But can't you just do it," she said.
So that day I wrote down:
WHY DO I HAVE TO WRITE ON THIS BANANA
My daughter was not amused.
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