We’ve all done it. You have a big event coming up and you’ve bought a dress two sizes too small. But you’re determined to fit into it because, let’s face it, it was such a bloody bargain and you just love torturing yourself this way.
So if you’ve ever been a woman, read a woman’s magazine, watched daytime TV, or sat through a lonely New Year’s Eve, you’ve probably embraced at least one of these fads in your lifetime:
1. Your brand new ab roller arrives and you’re feeling so smug that you’ll have flatter abs in just two weeks.
And for the next four days you’re ab rolling like a pro. But then Day 5 rolls around (see what I did there?) and you begin to question whether this whole ab rolling business is all it’s cracked up to be. By Day 7 the ab roller is banished to the wardrobe in the spare room, in the middle of a breathless tantrum, and you’re back to eating chips in front of Home and Away. But don’t feel too sorry for the discarded ab roller, it’ll never be lonely. Over the years it’ll be joined by a near new treadmill, some kettlebells, a Pilates ball, a briefly used rowing machine that was inspired by a House of Cards marathon and a whole bunch of free steak knives.
Watch: not turning up to the gym? Sam Wood gives us five exercises you can do anywhere. Post continues after video.
2. You decide that exercise is not for you and turn your attention to cutting some things out of your diet. Like all of the things.
You know that if you just eliminate a few things from your diet, you’ll be down to your goal weight in no time. You start with carbs, and then dairy and then you totally eliminate meat from your diet. By Day 5 you’re living on grapefruit and are totally convinced that you’d be a shoe-in for the next season of Survivor. By Day 7, you’re a crying mess on the kitchen floor, sniffing the inside of an old Mars Bar wrapper, and your family/housemates are ready to vote you off the island.
3. It’s the 4th of January and you’ve signed up at the local gym and you’re soooo determined not to be that person who never shows up.
By the 4th of June you’re willing to admit that you’re NEVER EVER EVER in a million years going to that gym. And every fortnight when the gym membership is direct debited from your account you’re reminded that you are in fact that person. And deep down inside you know that you’ll probably do it all again next year. Sigh.