Have you been on Australia’s worst date? I’ll be the judge of that.
My name is Alita Brydon and, when I’m not mooching around eating chicken nuggets and watching Real Housewives, I run Bad Dates of Australia and Bad Dates of Melbourne on social media.
With almost 190,000 followers across the country sending me anonymous tales of their most hilarious dating horrors, I know a bad date when I see one. And boy oh boy — I’ve seen a few.
Pour a stiff drink, lower your romantic expectations, and let me remind you why single life is actually a pretty good option.
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The one with the bin ice cream.
"It was a beautiful summer day, and we were walking along St Kilda Beach. We walked past an overflowing bin with a small cup of ice cream sitting on top with a spoon. He picked up the cup of ice cream and started eating it. He then offered me some. I rejected the bin ice cream. Probably why I'm still single."
The one with the possum cigarette.
“We were hanging out in my backyard and we ended up kissing. I was delighted! Then he pulled out a hand-rolled cigarette that looked really dirty. I asked him about it and he said it was possum poo that he had found on a tree. He wanted to see what happened if he smoked it. He’d been smoking before we kissed as well, so I’d been in close contact with secondary possum faeces. I still want to wash my mouth out when that memory surfaces.”
The one with the giant blackhead.
"Met Mr Handsome on Oasis, spent the evening together and later went back to my place. The sun beamed through my curtains the next morning and he had his back to me. Right in the centre of his back, like a target point, was a gigantic blackhead. A crater right in the middle of his back! All I wanted to do was squeeze it. I never saw him again, but I think about that blackhead all the time and what it would have been like. He probably doesn’t even know it’s there.”