The woman who tried to kill her husband with oral sex.

concealing a knife
TOXIC: Keep away from vaginas. (There were no pictures of the woman – or her vagina – available)

 

With a story like this, there’s not much you can do other than cut to the chase.

So. This very modern woman tried to kill her husband. With her vagina.

A woman in Brazil has attempted to end her husband’s life by putting poison on her vagina and then asking him to perform oral sex.

Oral sex on her poisoned vagina.

He said no. Because her vagina smelt funny. (Presumably it smelt a bit like poison.)

The husband then took his wife to the hospital, thinking that something was medically wrong with her. Once the couple arrived, the poisoned wife realised that no doctor would believe she just had thrush and confessed that she had, in fact, poisoned her vagina in an attempt to murder the man who was formerly the love of her life.

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ANYWAY.

Just in case you were thinking of trying this at home, Mamamia does NOT recommend it.

Firstly, our website has a firm anti-murder stance and secondly, according to Jezebel,  proponents of this style of murder are more than likely to find that ‘Vagina Murder’ is an impossible manoeuvre to navigate without upsizing your crime to a ‘Vagina Murder-Suicide’.

Moral of the story? Don’t put anything up your vagina that you wouldn’t put in your mouth.

History is littered with iconic (but ultimately unsuccessful) attempts at murder.

From Mehmet Ali Agca failing to kill Pope John Paul II during an assassination attempt in 1981, to Samuel Byck’s unsuccessful 1972 hijacking of a plane carrying US President Richard Nixon – the reality is that murders don’t always work out the way they’re planned.

But now there is a new chapter in the history of unsuccessful murders. Welcome to 2013.

Questions anyone?

 

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