By NICKY CHAMP
Sure there are nappies, burp cloths (for the uninitiated, that’s fancy talk for a towel to wipe up baby vomit), bottles, sleep, a shower, a freezer full of lasagna (seriously, can no one think of a better meal?) etc. etc. but if you’re a new mother you will figure these things out fairly quickly, it’s the real life changes you need to know about.
1. A life bubble.
There’s one thing you should prepare yourself for before the baby comes – the rising panic that makes everything around you suddenly become dangerous, very dangerous.
As you navigate through your new life trying to do your best not to kill the baby, you’ll assume everyone else is trying to. Life is one big death trap and it’s your challenge to get out alive.
Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by Wild Child Baby Organics. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100% authentic and written in her own words.
It begins at the hospital, friends and relatives will want to visit and touch your baby. You’ll view every new person as a threat and before handing over your offspring you’ll weigh up the germ risk in your head, ‘Are they the type of person who knows to sanitise their hands before coming into a maternity ward?’
Then once you leave the safety of the hospital it’s on; ‘Stop driving so fast!’ you’ll shout at your husband/life partner/baby daddy who is already driving 30 kms under the speed limit and geriatrics in Volvos are overtaking you. “Maniacs!” you’ll curse at them, wondering when the roads became more chaotic than downtown Mumbai.
You’ll know more about BPA-free goods than a scientist, and you can pinpoint exactly which shops within a 10km radius stock the non-evil packaged brands of baby food.
And don’t at all be surprised if you find yourself in your local chemist at 5pm, bath time quickly closing in, in a state of sheer panic trying to determine which baby skincare products to use. Are they purposely trying to make this hard? Why do they want my baby to bathe in petrochemicals? What the hell is Triglyceride? Is that good?
And those knitted gifts from Aunt Beryl? Is the wool organic and allergen-free? No, well then…
2. Tissues, lots of tissues.
Something happens to you when you become a mother, you begin to have… emotions – ALL of the time. And I’m not talking about when you’re looking into your newborn’s eyes or anything soppy like that; I’m talking about bursting into tears while watching a Carpet Court commercial. It makes absolutely no sense and it will come with no warning, it’s best just to keep tissues on hand at all times.
3. A coffee machine.
I publicly confessed my love for a Nepresso machine (purchased when my daughter was five weeks old) that’s how bad things got for me.