By NICKY CHAMP

Sure there are nappies, burp cloths (for the uninitiated, that’s fancy talk for a towel to wipe up baby vomit), bottles, sleep, a shower, a freezer full of lasagna (seriously, can no one think of a better meal?) etc. etc. but if you’re a new mother you will figure these things out fairly quickly, it’s the real life changes you need to know about.

1. A life bubble.

There’s one thing you should prepare yourself for before the baby comes – the rising panic that makes everything around you suddenly become dangerous, very dangerous.

As you navigate through your new life trying to do your best not to kill the baby, you’ll assume everyone else is trying to. Life is one big death trap and it’s your challenge to get out alive.

Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by Wild Child Baby Organics. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100% authentic and written in her own words.

It begins at the hospital, friends and relatives will want to visit and touch your baby. You’ll view every new person as a threat and before handing over your offspring you’ll weigh up the germ risk in your head, ‘Are they the type of person who knows to sanitise their hands before coming into a maternity ward?’

Then once you leave the safety of the hospital it’s on; ‘Stop driving so fast!’ you’ll shout at your husband/life partner/baby daddy who is already driving 30 kms under the speed limit and geriatrics in Volvos are overtaking you. “Maniacs!” you’ll curse at them, wondering when the roads became more chaotic than downtown Mumbai.

You’ll know more about BPA-free goods than a scientist, and you can pinpoint exactly which shops within a 10km radius stock the non-evil packaged brands of baby food.

And don’t at all be surprised if you find yourself in your local chemist at 5pm, bath time quickly closing in, in a state of sheer panic trying to determine which baby skincare products to use. Are they purposely trying to make this hard? Why do they want my baby to bathe in petrochemicals? What the hell is Triglyceride? Is that good?

And those knitted gifts from Aunt Beryl? Is the wool organic and allergen-free? No, well then…

2. Tissues, lots of tissues.

Something happens to you when you become a mother, you begin to have… emotions – ALL of the time. And I’m not talking about when you’re looking into your newborn’s eyes or anything soppy like that; I’m talking about bursting into tears while watching a Carpet Court commercial. It makes absolutely no sense and it will come with no warning, it’s best just to keep tissues on hand at all times.

3. A coffee machine.

I publicly confessed my love for a Nepresso machine (purchased when my daughter was five weeks old) that’s how bad things got for me.

You should know as a new mum there will be some days you won’t be able to leave the house. This is only made bearable by the fact that you have a decent coffee standing up half-naked in your kitchen and it doesn’t matter that your hair is filthy and you’ve been wearing the same clothes for three days.

4. Foxtel/Apple TV/ DVD subscription service.

I’m going to let you in on a secret here; breastfeeding is really boring. And it can take up to an hour in the beginning. ‘No problem,’ you think, ‘I’ll use that time to catch up on some reading’.

And maybe reading works for you but at 2am and then again at 5:30am and then again at 9am, 1pm, 5pm and 9pm, it’s much easier to Keep Up With The Kardashians than it is to digest Descartes or remember what page you were up to in Baby Love.

5. Really expensive designer baby item/s.

It’s best just to face this one early, there’ll be less guilt later on. You will buy (at least) one expensive item for your baby that is of absolutely no use to you whatsoever.

Parents will advise you that you don’t need that swinger/rocker/mobile but in the fog of sleep deprivation you hold onto even the tiniest hope that this latest gadget will change your life. And if everything else has failed you may as well try throwing money at the problem.

I handed over an exorbitant amount of money for a wooden European baby rocker. My baby hated it. She would scream if she was placed in the jellybean contraption, so I consider that money well spent.

And my final parting advice for new mothers: if you’re given something you find particularly ugly, give it away, pass it on to charity or re-gift it because your child is going to really take a liking to that wonky knitted goat.

What else would you add to this list of things new mothers need to know?

Wild Child Baby Organics is a trusted brand who take the anxiety out of buying reliable bathtime and skincare products for your baby. Wild Child Baby Organics cover a complete range of products including an eczema cream, soothing balsam and cradle cap oil.  – Mamamia Team.

Wild Child is an Australian brand that has been in the market place with locally products for over 15 years and has a reputation for natural health care products.

Our company slogan is “born, not made” which is used to indicate that our products are formulated with love and care.

Traditional baby care products are often made from petrochemicals such as liquid paraffin. Similarly most natural products are made from vegetable products, which have a very earthy odour.

Wild Child had a vision to show that more natural products could be formulated that had similar or better efficacy than petrochemicals and better end user appeal than cottage industry products.

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