This is what I hear when my friends talk about Game of Thrones.


I never thought I’d have something in common with The Fat Jewish but it turns and he and I both fall into the teeny tiny group of the global population who aren’t on the Game of Thrones train.


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I swear the only thing anyone in my life can talk about is a bloke called Jon and some big battle in winter.


It’s like my friends and work colleagues are speaking another language. One they all learnt together but I didn’t get the memo. One they are really, reeeeally excited about.

When I say I’m not into make-believe I am promptly told GoT is totally realistic and believable but then I catch a glimpse on the telly and see flying dragons and zombies with blue eyes and some chick that cuts people’s faces off and puts them on her own face and I’m like okaaaaaaaay.

My mates are so obsessed they watch the show and then go straight on the internet to read recaps of the show they have just watched. People are taking the finale day as annual leave! The world has gone mad.

When I hear the phrase Valar Morghulis all I can picture is my cat walking across my laptop keyboard alsfhdnav sfwdvmwn and I have ldskjgs;rmhpor5jr5;hm no idea what any of it ksbflwkdgheahte means.

I swear I’m not going to catch up with people I know who watch Game of Thrones until the end of May, because when I do all I hear is Latin. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, natum illum legendos et mei, mel choro tation scripserit te. Ne cetero tincidunt ius. And I’m like, did anyone listen to Who The Hell Is Hamish? Hello? Guys. I’m right here. Ex quo minim nostrud admodum, doctus accusam delicata his id, debitis dissentias at vix.

For a while there I thought ‘All Men Must Die’ was an extreme feminist wing of the #MeToo Movement.


“I drink and I know things” sounds like me and how confident I am in my opinions after I’ve had two bottles of Pinot Gris at the pub on a Saturday afternoon.

For ages I assumed Jon and Dany were two characters from some cheesy daytime TV soap opera or a Grease prequel or something.

When I overheard two people discussing the The Battle of the Bastards in the work kitchen I thought they were in heated debate about who they are going to vote for in the Federal Election in the next few weeks.

I also thought The Red Wedding was out of Alice In Wonderland? Surely there’s some sort of copyright issue here?

And I KNOW WINTER IS COMING. I’ve been aware of which season follows autumn since I was, like, four.

Surely me and the Fat Jewish aren’t alone. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

If there’s anyone out there amongst the tumbleweeds… wanna hang out between now and May 20?

Are you one of the many sheep people who do love GoT? Then check out our game Of Thrones podcast….I have no idea what they’re talking about, but you will.