sex

"Everytime I have an orgasm, I end up in tears. Now, I think I know why."

When I say having an orgasm leaves my pillow wet, it’s not what you may think.

For the past few years, having an orgasm has often been followed by a barrage of tears.

The first time it happened I even shocked myself. The earth shattered, as it often does a few times a week, and a second later, solid tears were flowing continuously down my face in what I can only imagine as a confusing expression of post-orgasmic bliss and utter heartbreak.

I was trembling all over, not from the aftershocks, but from the loud sobs that were escaping from my mouth. The same mouth that only seconds before was moaning and breathing as heavily as if I was playing the subject of Channing Tatum’s affections in a new Magic Mike sequel.

The after party for my finger twiddling is random, inconsistent, and intense. And although I haven’t been able to nail the exact reason why this occurs, I have managed to pinpoint the three tear-inducing frames of mind that tend to lead to the post-orgasmic meltdowns.

Sidenote: I’m not talking about the kind of discreet crying that happens when you’re watching a sad movie at the cinemas… I’m talking about the ‘get yo’self a tissue and clean yo’self up kind’ of grief; the kind of howling that leaves you snotty nosed and wet faced.

So, what brings on these tears? I’m glad you asked – here’s what I’ve worked out so far.

1. Exhaustion

You know when babies are so overly tired they can’t help but let it all out in a ginormous explosion of tears? Same, same, but in the comfort of your own bed, after just thinking about the hot guy who bought you a drink earlier that night… or Ryan Gosling in The Notebook (whatever works, girlfriend).

After this particular category of post-orgasm meltdown, I fall into an extremely peaceful and deep sleep. Sometimes, in desperation of a decent night’s rest, I find myself racing to the finish line begging for the anaesthetic qualities of my tears.

Sometimes I just need that final release to lull me to sleep faster than two bottles of red. But I’ve learned that just like a decent man, if you go looking for it, you’ll never catch it… these kinds of tears always catch you unaware.

Listen: A sex column has gone viral after a guy asked for advice as to why his girlfriend was masturbating AFTER sex. Post continues below.

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2. Feeling overly emotional

The days where you’ve been roasted by your boss for sending a confidential email to the entire staff, they ran out of milk for your tea, the printer was jammed and there was so much traffic on the way home that you missed Married at First Sight? Yes – those days are guaranteed to make me lose my load in more ways than one. That anger and outrage and frustration? Better out than in, I tell myself.

3. Missing someone

The one that got away? There’s usually one or two hot and heavy moments with my lost love that come to mind when it’s time to play. And when your heart is yearning for someone, and when you can picture them with such vividness, and feel their hand on you when you picture it and hear their whisper in your ear when you imagine it… it’s no wonder I turn into a blubbering mess when the Earth shatters and I snap back to reality, back to an empty bed and sticky fingers.

This kind of episode tends to go for the longest, and often turns into the ‘feeling sorry for myself’ kind of soul-breaking tears. Although I’m yet to involve a mirror, I’m certain I look attractive and sexy in all of these post-wank situations.

Doctor Google’s Diagnosis

You can imagine my relief when I learned that according to everyone’s trusty Doctor Google, crying after orgasm is actually a pretty common occurrence. Apparently, it happens because an orgasm is such a built up and intense release of emotions and energy – there’s no place for your thoughts and feelings to hide when you get turned inside out in a climactic explosion.

This makes sense to me; I am overly sensitive, and I do tend to bottle it all up and keep the lid on my emotions, nice and tight. So really, when you think about it, I never stood a chance… and slowly, orgasm by orgasm, I’m learning to just let it all go, and enjoy the ride – or the rare night of a decent sleep… it sure does bring a whole new meaning to being wet after an orgasm though, doesn’t it?

Have you ever cried after an orgasm? Comment below if you’re comfortable enough to share – safety in numbers, ladies, we are all beautiful and unique and glorious!

The Glitter Bug is a dating and relationship blogger and podcaster whose first love is the city in which she lives; Melbourne. She relishes mazing through the local streets in search of the perfect cocktail, and the perfect man, and can’t say no a night on the town. You can check out her blog right here.

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