Unpopular opinion: We need to talk about Frances Abbott and Amy Schumer.
This week we learned the 26-year-old daughter of our former Prime Minister wed her partner of three months, Sam Loch, while the 36-year-old comedian has married new boyfriend Chris Fischer, who she was first linked to in November.
Both women got hitched after knowing their partners for the shelf-life of a tub of yogurt and I have some questions.
I know my mother/Jesus/those with boundaries are all shaking their heads right now for me sticking my head in other people’s business, but I don’t… get it. I don’t understand any plausible reason for getting married within three months of knowing a person.
Getting swept away is a lovely thing.
Falling in love can make you do some crazy shit.
Being obsessed with your new boyfriend is total bliss.
Moving in within a few weeks can be a stroke of mad genius.
HOWEVER.
Why – oh god, why – would you make a legally binding commitment to another human being before you even know who they are? Before you learn their intricacies and flaws and failings? Before you have the chance to take a deep breath and go, “So is this lust or love?” Before you know if they are actually a closet racist who leaves wee on the toilet seat and has a penchant for kale chips over Smith’s Originals?
The dizzying heights of the first few months are beautiful and crazy, but anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows they come to an end after a year. Eventually, you enter the creamy middle where you stop shagging like energiser bunnies and start to get annoyed by the way your significant other leaves empty biscuit packaging in the pantry instead of just putting it in the bin.
(Why do so many men do that? A question for another time…)
Where bills and bouts of gastro and snoring and career dilemmas and life crises can test you as a team? Where real life creeps in and asks, “Will this survive the humdrum of normal life?” – where every couple is forced to look at each other and decide “We’re done here” or “I pick you”.
It’s hardly an easy or straightforward decision to come to after years; let alone when you’ve had a longer relationship with a tube of mascara.
We can be happy that two women found heart-soaring love and still recognise that, in a world where almost half of all marriages end in divorce, surely committing your life to someone based off a tiny sliver of time is a very peculiar choice.
I truly, truly hope that Frances Abbott and Amy Schumer have long and love-filled marriages. I hope their risks lead to bizarre love stories they can tell their grandchildren one day. I just can’t shake the feeling that getting married after 90 days is like reading the baking instructions on a packet of cookie mix and thinking, “three minutes on 250c will be the same as 12 minutes on 180c, right?”
We don’t live under the same societal conditions women in the 50s did; having a baby out of wedlock is A-OK. Living together before you get married is basically advised now. Never getting hitched to the person you have children with is also totally fine.
So, someone, please tell me: What am I missing here? Am I totally out of line? Or is this something that intrigues you too?
When this is a huge decision that steers the story of your life, what is the rush?
Listen: What’s the best thing to do with a decade-old wedding dress? The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss.