This week we learned the 26-year-old daughter of our former Prime Minister wed her partner of three months, Sam Loch, while the 36-year-old comedian has married new boyfriend Chris Fischer, who she was first linked to in November.
Both women got hitched after knowing their partners for the shelf-life of a tub of yogurt and I have some questions.
I know my mother/Jesus/those with boundaries are all shaking their heads right now for me sticking my head in other people’s business, but I don’t… get it. I don’t understand any plausible reason for getting married within three months of knowing a person.
Getting swept away is a lovely thing.
Falling in love can make you do some crazy shit.
Being obsessed with your new boyfriend is total bliss.
Moving in within a few weeks can be a stroke of mad genius.
Why – oh god, why – would you make a legally binding commitment to another human being before you even know who they are? Before you learn their intricacies and flaws and failings? Before you have the chance to take a deep breath and go, “So is this lust or love?” Before you know if they are actually a closet racist who leaves wee on the toilet seat and has a penchant for kale chips over Smith’s Originals?
The dizzying heights of the first few months are beautiful and crazy, but anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows they come to an end after a year. Eventually, you enter the creamy middle where you stop shagging like energiser bunnies and start to get annoyed by the way your significant other leaves empty biscuit packaging in the pantry instead of just putting it in the bin.