'I wore a white dress to a friend's wedding. It made international headlines.'

What’s the most controversial outfit you’ve ever worn? 

If you had asked me that question two weeks ago, I would have said a see-through dress to a festival or a skimpy two-piece.

I rarely see these outfits as controversial, but given that I’m fat, people like to tell me that my outfits are inappropriate and remind me to ‘dress my size’. 

However, two weeks ago I did something worse than being fat in a bodycon dress. I wore white to a wedding and made international headlines.

“I am off to a wedding, here is the fit,” the TikTok started innocently enough, and pretty much the way all of my outfit of the day videos start, but this one hit different.

@laceyjadechristie Replying to @kate.3tak #prettylittlething #weddingtiktok #weddingguest #weddingoutfit #plussizefashion #plussizedress #curvytiktok #fashiontiktok #ootd ♬ Take Me to Hell - Chloe Adams

The dress was low cut, with lantern sleeves and a bubble skirt, and I had meticulously hunted down accessories in colours that tied the whole look together. 

The outfit was exactly what I had pictured in my head and I posted the video as I left for the wedding without giving it a second thought. I felt great.

The wedding itself was a blur of queer joy, love, and a lot of cocktails. I was attending the wedding of two of my best friends, two beautiful human beings who, by some miracle, found love in the darkest months of Melbourne’s lockdowns. 

Tess and Courtney’s love is as powerful a love as I have ever seen, and our chosen family turned up and turned out for a wild night.

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A post shared by Lacey-Jade Christie (@laceyjadechristie)

The brides wore teal and red sequin gowns; the guests wore... whatever made them feel like themselves. Some attendees were traditional, some wore sheer mini-dresses, others wore power suits. We were there to celebrate the love of our friends, the fact that they could legally get married, and to celebrate our community.

The brides. Image: Timothy Treasure/@timotitreasure.

This is Queer Culture. The fashion on display, the vibe in the air, the photo booth pictures, they show what my community can be when we are allowed to truly be ourselves. And my outfit was not the most revealing of the evening.

It was the best wedding that I have ever been to and a night I'll never forget. Nor was the next morning.

When I jumped on TikTok the following day, I was not expecting to see that my video had 100k views. Let alone the 500 odd comments from people with very strong opinions and assumptions about what I had done.

My video had landed on the wrong side of TikTok, and people were outraged and wanted to share that with me. Comments varied from, “You don’t wear white to a wedding,” to “No to the white dress and lift the tits, it’s a no,” and worse.

@laceyjadechristie Replying to @traceytriffett970 #wedding #curvytiktok #wlw #queerwedding #weddingtiktok #weddingguest ♬ Tom's Diner - AnnenMayKantereit & Giant Rooks

Naively I replied to a few comments and tried to explain that it was a queer wedding and that the brides encouraged us to throw social norms out the window - but the comments didn’t stop.

“Put it away, I seriously have no words.”

“You never wear white to a wedding, it's all about the bride b**ch, it’s about respect to the bride."

“You don't wear white to a wedding, you don’t let your boobs hang out and you are too fat for that dress.”

“You also don’t want the guests looking like they’re trolling for customers.”

“Selfish hag.”

The comments came in thick and fast and the video was shared hundreds of times, so it was only natural that this ‘story’ was picked up by The Sun, then Yahoo Lifestyle, The Mirror, and a couple of non-English international publications.

Headlines ranged from, “NUPTIAL NO-NO: Woman shows off the dress she’s wearing to her friend’s wedding – but everyone’s saying the same thing,” to “Woman defends wearing white to mate's wedding - as she slams trolls' 'outdated views'”. 

At least the latter provided some nuance and context.

I’ve been a fat content creator for almost five years so I am not a stranger to hate or opinions about my body, but I never, in a million years, thought that I would go viral for wearing a dress to a wedding. 

I’ve gone viral on TikTok for other reasons. Some of my videos have millions of views, but not once have I posted a video that has been picked up by multiple news outlets and seen as newsworthy.

Not once have I had my videos reach ‘conservative TikTok’ and not once have I had a video affect my mental health how this seemingly innocent OOTD did.

“If this isn’t a joke... I don’t know what is! 😂😂😂”

“You actually go outside like that? 😳”

“White to a wedding screams insecurity.”

“No, absolutely no you look ridiculous and white is for the bride you look ridiculous I don’t know what else to say.”

The opinions continued in waves for days. Friends sent me links to articles, my mum was sent links from friends, and the comments on the media coverage continued.

All the while I was sitting at home alone, trying (but failing) to avoid the comment sections. 

I am a very resilient person. I grew up fat in the 90s and came out as a lesbian in the 00s, so there’s not a lot that you can say to me that will get in me in the feels, especially on the internet. 

There’s not a fat joke I haven’t heard, nor is there an opinion on my body that I haven't said to myself on my darkest days.

But when you have more than a thousand people tell you that you need to “lift your boobs” or “wear something more appropriate", that wears a person down. I read those comments, I fought against them, I read some more and eventually I questioned myself and my decision. 

Thousands of strangers on the internet made me believe they knew my friends and what they wanted better than I did. More than that, strangers on the internet made me question how I feel about my body. And I hate them for that.

I cannot explain the amount of internalised fatphobia that I have had to unlearn to be happy in the body that I have. I exist on the internet to inspire other people to live their best lives in whatever body they exist in. I don’t exist for the enjoyment of trolls.

But last week I found myself questioning everything. Are my boobs perky enough? Was the dress too big? Did I distract attention from the brides?

The answer is no. I’m a G cup, my breasts will never be perky and society needs to stop telling people with breasts that they need to sit a certain way. 

With regards to the dress, I definitely could've sized down, but I was comfortable and felt amazing, which is what matters. 

And the brides? These two women stood before us in all of their love and sparkle, and nothing and no one could’ve taken away from that. 

But nevertheless, people have opinions - so here and the things that I wish people would consider before commenting on TikTok, but also in life:

• Not every person will follow your rules. Not every bride wears white, not every wedding includes a bride and not every wedding guest or dress code will fit your idea of what’s appropriate and that’s ok.

• Traditions change. Not seeing the groom until the ceremony, giving the bride away, brides wearing white - these traditions may hold significance to some people, but to many they are symbols of oppression and the patriarchy. It’s ok to step outside of society's expectations. These rules also don’t consider different marriages from different cultures.

• Influencers and content creators are humans too. My goal is to empower people and show the media what representation looks like. I didn’t get into this for money or clout, I just wanted to help people feel better about themselves. But regardless of a person's reason to exist so publicly on the internet, speak to them like you would a loved one. Your words hurt and they have an impact.

Over the past two weeks I’ve learnt a few things: I live in a progressive, queer bubble, not everyone lives like I do and, try as I might, I am still susceptible to hate from strangers online.

But it has also reinforced some things for me: firstly that change still needs to happen. 

Whether we are discussing fat or queer representation, there is still so much education that needs to be given. 

The whole world will never agree on one singular topic, but that’s ok. 

And my chosen family are the best and most supportive people I know. Because they will never judge someone based on what they look like, what they’re wearing or how many views a TikTok gets.

My video that garnered so much attention currently sits at over 330K views, it’s been shared 326 times and has over 2200 comments. I was forced (by myself) to turn the comments off for almost a week because I needed to protect my mental health, but even now, I get a few comments a day telling me to never wear white to a wedding. 

Strangers assumed I am a selfish person and wanted to detract attention from the brides, rather than that I was given a dress code that I adhered to.

I am the kind of person who asks what colour the bridesmaids are wearing, because I don’t want to match. I used to be a makeup artist; I know the wedding rules, but it's important to remember that whether for cultural, spiritual or personal reasons, not everyone’s wedding will look how you think it should. But that’s the best part.

So in the future, if someone wears white to a wedding, I want you to recite these words: ‘other people’s bodies are none of my business.’ You don't need to comment.

And if you are fat and wearing something short to a wedding, go off. You’re perfect the way you are.

Feature Image: Supplied/Mamamia.