'I said I was looking for someone open-minded on my dating profile. I immediately regretted it.'


When writing a dating profile it’s a good idea to tell interested parties a bit about yourself.

Your taste in music, movies and your fondness for troll dolls, it helps people get to know you and see if they’re interested.

I would suggest that you pay extra attention as to how you describe preferences though. I learnt that the hard way.

When I signed on for online dating this time around, I had just come out of a “serious” relationship. The first of my life.

I answered the multitude of inane questions and then set about writing my bio. I wrote of my love of old movies, disco music and turkish delight. I also casually mentioned my disability.

And I wrote that I was “open-minded” and was looking for the same.

After a breakup, should you be deleting all social media evidence of your relationship? The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss. Post continues.

I meant that I needed people to look past my appearance and be able to handle my disability (this had been the issue that broke the relationship I had just come out of). Little did I know what “open mindedness” really entailed.

I’ll be honest. It took a while for anyone to look my way, but eventually it did happen.

The first guy that approached me was nice. He was a bit older than I was but he had a good job and as it turned out, we had a lot in common.  After a few days of corresponding, he asked what it was that I needed him to be open-minded about. I told him and he seemed unfazed. Adding that he too had something to share. He was a cross-dresser.


This did not really faze me. But I think I shocked him with my response.

“That’s OK” I said. “As long as you stay out of my wardrobe.” Truth be told I was excited by the prospect of someone to play dress up with.

Eventually the conversation turned to what we wanted out of a relationship. This is where things got a bit weird.

I told him that I just wanted a nice guy who was comfortable with my disability, who I could settle down with. He, on the other hand, wanted a straight relationship, a same-sex relationship and a transsexual relationship, and he wanted them all at the same time.

I might have been able to embrace the dresses, but I am simply a one-person girl.

Then I found myself talking to another lovely guy.

He had even been skydiving and was a regular absailer (both of which I have also done and am keen to do again). I was very optimistic. After a few days we started toying with the idea of an actual date. He even knew where we should go. There was a dance coming up that weekend which was being put on by a society he was a member of.

He had an extra ticket, did I want to come along? Hell yes I did.

I was beyond excited. Until, I learnt of the dresscode. It was clothing optional. That’s right, he is a nudist and he wanted to take me to a dance where everyone would be naked.


I declined. Call me a prude, but you have to at least take me out for drinks before you get to see me naked. Actually, you could probably do with a few wines yourself.

They say that lightening does not strike twice. They’re right. It strikes thrice.

Not long after this I began talking to a fellow who seemed to tick all the boxes. Except that he is a submissive and he wanted me to be his dominant. Yes, really.

Now, I have read the Fifty Shades of Grey series. But frankly, I don’t see the appeal in being beaten or beating others for pleasure.

After a few very interesting telephone conversations in which my bossiness was put to the test, things fizzled out and he stopped responding to my messages.

I’m not sure why. Was it my constant apologising for being mean or asking “what should I do now perhaps?”

Either way, it was a relief to put my imaginary whip away. Being a dominatrix is surprisingly draining. Even if it is only ever over the phone.

Luckily for me (and for the narrative of my tale), I finally did meet the guy I was looking for. Damion and I have been together for two years now and he has no weird fetishes. That I know of…

Nina-Marie Butler is a blogger and writer with a penchant for tea and turkish delight. Her ultimate goal is to be living proof that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

Follow her blog, Inner Musings of a Funny Looking Kid or follow her on Facebook.