When I found myself separated at 50, it was huge adjusting to single life again. And while I wasn’t sure that I was ready to remarry, I wanted to explore my options. The lessons learned over the next few months of online dating after 50 were eye-opening not just for me, but for quite a few of my other single friends.
For all of us, dating was an “ancient” concept, lost in the mists of time and long-term marriages. There were quite a few friends who had to move forward on the wrong side of 40. And then there were those who were just curious about how I was dealing with dating in the age of Tinder and ghosting and micro-cheating.
For the record, I moved to Melbourne from Singapore via Perth when I turned 30. The only people I knew were colleagues and an old boyfriend. After a while, I felt like I was in a soap opera because I was dating from the pool that were friends of friends. So I used personal ads to find new “candidates” and met my ex-husband via a chat website (in those days, this was seriously strange).
That means that doing online dating was a less radical step for me than for most people. It meant I knew what to do to get past the first online conversations. I had also travelled extensively for work, so I also knew how to organise meetups in safe locations and what to do to give myself the greatest opportunity face-to-face.
The three part relationship theory that will change the way you think about life. Post continues.
I was encouraged by a friend to go online because she had done it herself. She hadn’t pushed herself, so it never led to anything. I’m not even sure now if she actually met anyone. But that didn’t stop me or her from encouraging me.
I enthusiastically signed up on a couple of dating sites, and what happened after is the basis for this little guide.
What should you do if you want to try online dating?
Firstly, you should figure out what you want before you start looking.
This is not the easiest question to answer, I grant you. But it would help if you could figure out if you just want to date casually or whether you looking to find your life partner.
My ego was dented because I had just turned 50, and my husband had met a younger woman (15 years younger than me) online. We hadn’t been intimate in a long time, and I was starting to feel old and unlovely.
So I wanted a boost. It didn’t matter that it wouldn’t lead anywhere, because how could I even imagine getting involved with someone else.
Secondly, find an online dating site that suits your purpose.
I went on Tinder because I was comfortable with the typically short-term nature of “relationships” that were dominant with this site. RSVP and e-Harmony seemed to be the place for those who wanted to settle down, and I wasn’t looking for that. Zoosk was one I hadn’t heard of before but I felt that it was a nice middle ground between the two types.
Thirdly, set up your online profile.
Your online dating profile begins with a good photo with just you, no one else. If you have a good selfie, use it. If not, ask a trusted friend to take one. Try not to be sexy in the shot, unless that’s the image you want to project. The photo should be a half-body shot, not just your face.