*V. serious newsreader voice*

"There is an epidemic sweeping the beauty community.

"A highly addictive, potent and potentially damaging substance, often casually referred to amongst users by its street name 'tret', is taking over the bathroom cabinets of regular suburban homes.

"Chances are if you haven’t tried it, *dramatic music/pause*, you know someone who has.

"While a legally prescribed medication, it’s open to misuse, and many addicts have taken to getting their fix from online dealers and in the process....”

*back to my voice*

... seriously f***ing up their face!

Watch: Here are some of the products and ingredients you need to know about. Post continues below.

Hi, my name’s Carly, and I’m a prescription retinoid addict.

You could probably say that my story started the same way many addiction stories do.

I joined a gang, and it wasn’t long before they introduced me to what is now my product of choice. Same lines they all use - “you won’t believe how amazing it is,” “it really is the gold-standard” - and what can I say? I was young (shut up, just let me have it) and naïve. Before long I was searching the internet desperately trying to score, and soon after that, I was hooked.

The gang went by the name of the You Beauty Group, and their hit of choice was synthetic vitamin A.

Seriously though. If you haven’t heard people discussing “prescription skincare” you may have been living under a rock. Particularly if you’re “no Bo” like me and looking for a less invasive alternative to staving off old age. Prior to having children, I was all for injectables and boob jobs (though never got around to doing either) but now I have a daughter... I just can’t.

So it's SPF50+ over face injections, and no more complaining about my shrivelled ex-breastfeeding titties.

Listen: The anti-ageing ingredients you can use when you're pregnant. Post continues below.

I’m in full support of whatever makes people happy, but for me, too much of the female aesthetic has been forged in the fires of the patriarchy, and a recentMamamiaarticle about women choosing to dissolve their fillers has left me wondering how fleeting this happiness may turn out to be.

I side-eye Instagram, reality TV and celebrity culture, wondering how much they are to blame. Is it just a trend? I think back to the over-plucked eyebrows of the 90s vs. the big, bushy, brushed-up babies of today. The times they are a-changin' and who’s to say that later down the track my ‘WTF lines’ won’t befarshun?

So, no needles. I’m going to age naturally, and with a tube of topical retinoid cream tucked behind my back.

You may at this point be wondering where this article’s going. So I’ll get to the point.

As a self-proclaimed addict, with no desire to rehabilitate, this article is for anyone who is thinking about starting, has already started, or has burnt their goddamn face off using prescribed retinoic acid.

Come over to the dark side. Lemme recruit you into my gang...

What is prescription retinoid?

You’ve heard of retinol, yeah? Well retinol is a naturally occurring derivative of vitamin A. It speeds up cell turnover, smoothing the skin, tackling pigmentation and minimising fine lines and wrinkles. Retinol is a common ingredient in many lines of over-the-counter skin care.

It’s safe to use, but because it penetrates transdermally, it isn’t suitable whilst pregnant or breastfeeding. Retinol yields great results when used long term, and when used correctly has minimal irritation and side effects.

Prescription retinoids, on the other hand, are a synthetic form of vitamin A - a concentration of pure retinoic acid. It’s referenced as being 100 times stronger than retinol, and begins to work immediately since no conversion by your body is required.

It does the same things as retinol, but harder, better, and faster - basically giving you epic results, quickly, but with some pretty nasty side effects if you don’t know what you’re doing. Goes without saying but gonna say it anyway - no to this if you’re pregnant or breastfeeding.

Where do I get my fix?

First, baby girl, you’re going to need to get yourself a dealer. Since this is the hard stuff we’re talking about, I strongly suggest speaking with your GP or dermatologist first. There are prescription skincare companies that may be able to prescribe it to you, however do your research first.

Too many people get their cream in the mail, don’t read the instructions and think they can use it like a moisturiser. No! Bad! Retinoids can be really impressive when used sensibly, but use too much, or too often and you’re gonna regret it.

How do I acid?

Well, there are two ways! The right way, and the really, really stupid way. I have done both! So come in, sit down!

After seeing my doctor where I said, "Hey, vanity request: can I please have a prescription for retinoids so I can try to cheat my way out of being a wrinkly old b**ch?” he said “The wrinkles we might cure, but the b**ch part probs not."

(Just kidding! He said yes!).

After checking his computer, he told me it’s normally introduced at a strength of .25 per cent, but me (d**khead) insisted on .50 per cent because I’d been using The Ordinary Retinol in Squalene for six months prior and thought that made me ready.

I walked out of there with a prescription and not a single clue, and proceeded to practice stupid.

First night I used it:What was all the fuss about? Doesn’t even sting. What’s everyone talking about? Feels fine!

Second night I used it: Cocky! Imma put this on my lips and my eyes too! I mean, they’ll be the first to wrinkle won’t they? Just do it! Yassss.

Third night I used it: Ha! I am the acid queen! Still no side effects - not a peel or a purge in sight! This is so amazing - I’m going to post a pic in that special retinoids group and crap on about how resilient and tolerant my face skin is! Yay me!

Fourth night.Did not use it: Sat in the bath, crying for mum and rolling a cold can of beer over my stupid, stingy face.

See, the aftereffects of retinoids aren’t typically felt until a few days later. So I went hard, then harder and when I should have already stopped EVEN HARDER STILL.

I royally f***ed my skin barrier, and not only did that mean I had to go cold turkey and stop using it completely, I couldn’t use anything else, either!

It took me nearly two weeks to repair the damage I had done to my skin, by which point I had accepted I’d acted a fool, gone away and done my research, and vowed this time to be a better user. I started using my retinoid cream again, but this time I did it responsibly.

Now, before I go ahead and tell you the right way to use “tret”, I’m first going to get on my high horse about the fact that there is basically NO education from professionals at the point of exchange about how to use it. I walked out of that doctor's office with some hardcore sh*t in my hand and no idea what to do with it.

I surveyed an online community solely dedicated to prescription retinoid use about who their dealer was and whether they felt that during their consultation they had been adequately informed and supported.

These were the results:

- 40 per cent got their fix at the GP.

- 15 per cent went to a dermatologist.

- 32 per cent use a virtual prescription skincare company.

- 13 per cent were importing it from Portugal or India!

- And a whopping 44 per cent said they were given their prescription with zero instruction - GPs and virtual medical grade skincare companies being the worst offenders!

So now that I’ve called them out, I’ll do their jobs for them, too, shall I?

Let’s all learn how to safely do retinoic acid.

Here are some of the homies that have had my back while I’ve been using.

Amperna Ultra Gentle Soothing Cleanser, $42.00.

Did you know that your foamy face wash is probs drying you out? The ones that lather are typically heavy on soap and harsh chemicals that can strip your skin. I’ve been using this one while introducing heavyweights into my routine.

It’s tested on eczema, perioral dermatitis and rosacea prone skin so you just know it can handle your retinoids bullsh*t. It’s a light, clean feeling gel that emulsifies with water, and uses cucumber and sage to balance and maintain healthy pH. Whenever my face throws a fit, this is my guy. Always manages to calm things down.

COSRX Advanced Mucin Snail Power Essence, $19.50.

“Oh look, it’s Carly with the snail jizz again, what a surprise.” I know I talk about this a lot but I’ve just ordered my third bottle. If you know you know, and if you don’t, get some so you do. I genuinely don’t think I’d have been able to keep doing retinoids if it wasn’t for snails.