'The eight mysteries that plagued me after childbirth.'


1. Not remembering when or how all your clothes came off. Did I tear them off in some sort of mid-contraction rage? Was my nakedness encouraged? Will never know.

2. Why odours that were previously considered completely benign suddenly become more offensive than a raincoat flasher. I mean, which IDIOT thought it was okay to bring a banana into the labour ward?

3. Spewing during labour. Why, just why? As if I wasn’t already in enough of a pickle.

4. Why sucking on a siphon is considered a form of pain relief. Because I lived on that pipe for a good couple of hours and nothing but air ever came out.

Monique Bowley and Bec Judd deep dive on the beautiful act of labour, speaking to mums and experts.

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5. Why are women in labour the only inpatients in the entire hospital who aren’t served lunch? The only place in the entire universe where they think it’s a good idea to withhold food from a highly agitated woman.

6. No one wanting anything to do with your vagina after the baby is born. Like, 10 seconds ago you guys all couldn’t stop looking at it and now you just keep telling me to put some pants on.


7. Falling immediately in love with the very thing that just broke your vagina.

8. Deciding to do it all again.

"Deciding to do it all again". Image supplied.

This post originally appeared on Virginia’s blog, which you can find here.