Date nights as a parent are a lot different to what they were B.C. (before children). Forget a casual night out at the local. Date nights – when you have small people – require organisation, planning and the stars aligning so you can actually make it out of the house, alone.
Watch: These dads got out for a night of dancing together. Via Facebook. Post continues after video.
Forget a last minute idea, date nights as parents require planning that would put most military operations to shame. First, you need someone to mind the smalls (they look down on leaving kids under five alone to fend for themselves, apparently). For some parents, this may involve bribing a family member to look after your offspring. It could cost you dearly because being family, they’re acutely aware of how feral your children can actually be. Your Christmas present had better be a good one.
If you’re not fortunate enough to have family around, you’ll need to enlist the services of a babysitter. This will cost you too, but this time, I mean literally. Most babysitters will end up costing more than your dinner out and you’ll silently weep as you hand over the equivalent of hours of work to someone who literally just sat on their arse watching your T.V.
Prior to the babysitter arriving you'll have to clean your house within an inch of its life. Remember, don't let them think you live how you actually live. Hide dishes in the oven, washing in your room do whatever you have to do to prevent them from seeing the usual state of your house. Also, be sure to check the loo. It's highly likely someone's taking a dump and left a floater for the next unsuspecting user. Ah, kids.
It's also now common place to leave a meal out for the babysitter. Oh yes, my friend. If you've scored yourself a good, professional sitter you need to know that the tables have turned. You are no longer the client, you're the one being interviewed. People want them to mind the kids for a reason so you'll have to show that you're worthy of holding a place on their books. Keep in mind that they will likely compare you to other local families so educate yourself on preparing a meal for their arrival. Sorry, your spag bol won't cut it if you want them on speed dial to kid-wrangle and these angles are worth their weight in gold.
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Your date night, for most mothers, involves spending the afternoon making sure other people's needs are met. The house will be clean (for the babysitter), the dinner is made (for the kids) and you husband's shirt is ironed (cause apparently he doesn't know how the work the thing).
Forget the hours that you used to have for getting yourself glam for a night out. Your beauty routine now consists of applying some makeup in the bathroom mirror while you watch children try and drown each other in the bath behind you.
If you've thought ahead about where the night may lead (wink) you may have done some lady grooming. If not, grab a razor and shave the parts of your leg which are visible. We all know that you'll do it without using shaving cream so tell yourself that red, raw rashes are tres sexy. You fox.