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We need to talk about the black toilet paper on The Block.

True fanciness is just a $4 toilet paper roll away.

Are you one of the foolish people who is still using white toilet paper?

Oh my. I’m so embarrassed for you.

As anyone who follows toilet paper trends closely knows, white toilet paper is dead to us. In its place? Black or coloured toilet paper of the luxurious variety.

Case in point: leaders in all things sophistication, reality TV show The Block.

We have seen resident fancy people Shay & Dean lead the toilet paper revolution by putting a black roll in their newly renovated powder room.

Black toilet paper. Makes any bathroom fancy as.

I get it. As a Melburnian born and bred I totally understand the sophistication that automatically comes with wearing/wiping yourself with black. And why do we even use white toilet paper in the first place? Do we really need to be able to see every little thing coming out of us?

Also, according to Amazon reviews, “This is some smoooooth TP”.

I could almost be on board with this global revolution. Almost. And then I saw the price.

This roll, this ONE roll, is worth $4.

Four. Dollars. For a roll of toilet paper.

The Block toilet paper
Well at least it’s on sale!! Source: RenovaAustralia

Shay and Dean, we get that you’re “fancy”. But $4 a roll is madness.

But it’s not just them.

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Celebrities the world over simply CANNOT SETTLE for any toilet paper that is a regular shade of white.

According to Huffington PostBeyonce allegedly demanded that while on tour, “Bathrooms must have new toilet seats and red toilet paper at every venue.”

Starcasm reported that in an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kim talks about her mother Kris’ black toilet paper habits.

And according to Daily Mail, even Simon Cowell allegedly isn’t immune from dabbling in the black stuff for his toilet needs.

The black toilet paper epidemic is out of control.

Especially when compared to otherwise fancy toilet paper Quilton that feels amazing on your backside and comes in at a mere $0.5 a roll at Woolies.

HOW ARE YOU SO SOFT?

Or alternatively, not so soft but very environmentally friendly brand Naturale, that is saving the world and only costing you $0.51 a roll.

Or even the notoriously fancy Kleenex that can’t even hope to compete with this black toilet paper’s fancy price.

Using a Kleenex is the equivalent of wiping with a cloud, and only costs you $0.66 a roll to do so.

The Block contestants. Celebrities. Everyone.

You are literally flushing your money down the toilet to achieve fanciness. This is ridiculous.

After all, we all know that what you really need to be fancy is to upgrade from goon sack to bottle and eat quinoa.

Come on, people. Get it together.

In case you were in the market for some fancy toilet paper, here are a few suggestions:

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