Kids have a way of being honest in their observations. Brutal even. Just the other day my eldest told me: “When you stand next to Aunty Bridgette, you don’t look very skinny.” Ouch.
The thing is that kids don’t care. They think it, they say it. In some ways I guess you could call it refreshing. Unless of course you happen to be on the receiving end of some of their refreshing observations. Oh and if you happen to have a sore spot, body-wise, you can be rest assured they will point it out.
I think though that I’ve found my kindred spirit in Joanna Stein, a YouTube mum who made a video of all the ways her four-year-old daughter insulted her over the course of the morning.
The video starts with Jo beginning the day in elegant fashion, with the dog licking her face. Before she has even had a chance to change out of her pyjamas and use the bathroom, her daughter has already unleashed these grenades: “Mummy, are you gonna make yourself pretty today or are you gonna look like you always do?” Followed by this pearler: “You have a lot of hair on your face. Is that a moustache or a beard?”
The video has mums everywhere nodding in appreciation. We get it. Four-year-olds are cruel. They’re honest and they haven’t yet learnt the fine art of preserving someone else’s feelings with some good old quality keep-your-mouth-shut action. So they tell it how they see it and it’s gonna hurt.
The video is short but packs a punch, especially if you're at the receiving end like Jo.
"It's so funny that the hair on your kiki looks like a squirrel's tail."
"Your breath smells like a fart."
And my personal favourite: "Mummy, sometimes when you wave your arms really fast it something sounds like you're clapping."
Stick a fork in me. I'm done. As someone whose son once said: "I've seen photos of you before I was born mummy. You looked different. You used to look like pretty." I just want to pour that woman a stiff drink!