‘Tell me honestly – am I too old to sext?’

My husband and I have been sexting (each other) for years.

I can’t remember exactly when we started doing it. It was around the time he got a new job and his work hours were really long. I was trying hard not to be a nagging bitch wife constantly asking, “When are you coming hoommmmme?”

Instead, I sent him a sext.

It explained how the evening might unfold once he walked through the door. I was a bit embarrassed to sent it at first but desperate times call for desperate measures. The next night he started it off the sexting and it was fun. It was exciting. It felt like when we were dating again.

Jo and her husband. Image supplied.

We started sexting with words. The first time I added a photo I was in a bit of a state: he’s a truck driver - what if he looked down, saw me in a way he'd never seen me before (on his phone, at least), and went careering off the road?

He answered saying, “Thank goodness I was at a rest stop when I looked at that!”

We had a pretty fun conversation for the next eight minutes until he had to get back on the road.

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Watch the video below to see what sexting does to young people. Post continues after video. 

But that was a long time ago now. And as I creep toward 40, I wonder: am I too old to sext? Are my sexts sexy enough?

There's no doubt my sexting language has changed. It's definitely on the more conservative side. I'm more likely to use general thoughts in my sexts rather than focusing on what I want done to specific body parts. Yes, I could definitely be sexier in my sexts if I tried a little harder. We don't sext as often as we used to not just because I am getting older but also because the novelty wore off. There's only so many ways you can say things, you know?

But I don't agree that we're too old to sex because saying you're too old to sext is like saying you're too old to actually have sex. As most of us know, sex can get a whole lot better as you get older and according to research I'm hitting my sexual peak. I wonder if I'll know exactly when I reach that peak.

Sexting is just foreplay. In a new relationship, foreplay is always going to be different to established relationship foreplay. What I might see as rude and smutty now is probably nothing to younger sexters. We could probably write a book called “Grey Sexting” that would have eyes rolling at our attempts at bawdiness. Oh how adventurous! You’re in bed naked. Wow, how exciting! The kids are asleep.

But our foray into sexting came at exactly the right time. We'd hit a rough patch. We never had any time together: it was either me and the kids together and him at work, or him at home spending time with the kids. Our relationship was being starved, of us, of our connection to each other. Sexting connected us again. In an instant it was just us, not the oven needing fixing or the boys needing new school shoes or his mother coming to visit on the weekend. Just us.

The truth is I'm quite proud of some of the stuff I’ve come up with in the past. On the occasion that I still do it I take my sexting very seriously. I am a writer after all. Words are my craft. I use my knowledge of what he likes to formulate the perfect 100 characters; sometimes he sounds like he’s in an '80s porn movie (not that I would know), talking about practicalities where as I'm about the actions and the feelings.

Jo with her husband and kids.

There is only one rule when it comes to sexting. You have to really trust the person you are sexting with. If I were out there and dating, as many of my friends are, I'd be hesitant to sext. I wouldn't want to hand that part of myself to a stranger lightly and then wonder if they've shown it to anyone else.

I trust my husband implicitly which is why I feel free to write whatever I want, even ridiculous things we'll laugh over later. I know no one will ever see them - except him - because he is so protective of me, and protective of us. He would never call his trucker friends over to have a look. He deletes everything just in case. I’m the same. Sexting for us is intimacy and connection.

Sometimes we go off track and start talking about love and growing old together. That's nice too - but sexting takes discipline. Save the romantic stuff for birthday cards. Stay on point.

It’s easy once you get the hang of it.

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