"Why the toilet in the bedroom trend is the most problematic thing I've ever seen."

In April of this year, a beautiful four bedroom house went on the market in Doncaster East, Melbourne.

The asking price was between $1.05 million and $1.15 million, according to Nelson Alexander Real Estate, as the property boasted a large entertainment area, an open living plan, and a solar heated pool.


And a toilet in the master bedroom.

Not an en suite.

A toilet. 

No. No no. NO. No. Image via Nelson Alexander Real Estate.

If this were my bedroom, I wouldn't poop. Not ever.

And then I would die.

Which is, I would argue, as problematic as anything gets.

This toilet in the bedroom situation has the potential to kill people.


I would hold it in, day after day, week after week, adamantly refusing to poop while being watched by someone who I'd like to maintain a relationship with in the future.

Soon enough, I would begin to bloat. And get all sweaty. And anxious. Because my body is... full.

And my partner would say, "Sweetie, are you okay? You haven't spoken in a week and you look stressed."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I'd respond. "I booked you a week long holiday because I think you deserve it BUT MOSTLY I JUST REALLY NEED TO POOP IN PRIVATE BECAUSE I'M A HUMAN BEING WITH DIGNITY."

I would become so dramatically constipated, I would need to be hospitalised, which is arguably even more shameful than pooping in the company of a person who you're sexually attracted to.

We shan't be having toilets in bedrooms. We shan't. 

I do not care how little the space is we're working with, or if it's the latest European luxe trend that's entered into hotels and fancy homes all over the world.

The toilet in the bedroom trend rates a whooping 108 out of 10 and should be banned worldwide, effective immediately.


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You can listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud, here.