If you’re a teacher, you deserve a God damn medal. Make that a truck load of medals and school-holiday’s supply of wine, because you lovely people are done putting up with our children for another year.
Teachers around the country are counting down the days – nay, seconds – until school is officially out for 2017. And while the rest of us are approaching the Christmas holidays, the men and women educating our children have perhaps the most painful week of the school year still ahead.
So in honour of teachers everywhere, here’s an excruciating checklist of all the “fun” things they (or you, if you’re a teacher) go through in the last week of school.
Yes, teachers are still expected to plan detailed, balanced lesson plans right up until that final bloody bell rings. Only thing is, half of their class won’t be showing up because their parents will pull them out for impromptu beach days or family getaways.
That’s great and all, except when the teachers have to come up with activities on the spot to entertain the seven very restless kids that do turn up.
Isn’t it great how schools decide to start knocking down/renovating/redecorating classrooms when teachers still have real live children to look after in them?
As a result, half of their lessons are spent herding said children like a flock of sheep into a room ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCHOOL. In the remaining 16 minutes of the lesson, no one will achieve anything.
LISTEN: A teacher answers all of your questions – give it a listen below (post continues after audio…)
Basically, holding classes are the stuff of nightmares. Instead of chilling out and tying up any loose ends with their current kids, teachers have to ‘get to know’ their kids for the following year.
They have to plan icebreaker games. How great are icebreaker games?… said no one ever.
The kids don’t really want to meet their new teacher because they love their old teacher more. They don’t really want to meet each other because making new friends is truly terrifying. And if we’re honest, teachers don’t really want to meet their new students all that much.
They just want to go sit on a beach somewhere and be without kids (except for their own) for six weeks.
Farewell after farewell
The only thing worse than attending a million farewells is having to plan a million farewells. Chances are, most teachers get roped into this in some way, whether it be bringing a salad to share or making a speech.
It’s crappy, especially when they then have to pick up the slack for the teacher that has decided to leave at the last minute.
Ohhh boy. Christmas craft.
In order for your child to bring home that beautiful painting, or card, or tree ornament, or present, a small piece of your kid’s teacher’s soul had to die.
Because Christmas craft means glitter EVERYWHERE. And teeny tiny bits of paper being cut and dropped onto the floor. It means sticky fingers, fingers stuck together or onto another child’s fingers, and taking kids to wash their paint-covered hands in the stinky kids’ toilets.
Now, these would be fun if teachers didn't actually have to be in them, but for your kid to shine up there on the stage, teachers who did not sign up for a life in the spotlight have to get up in front of other adults and do spirit fingers, jazz hands and chicken dances.
Christmas movies... on repeat
There's not much to say about this one, other than there are only so many times one can watch Home Alone 3 without wanting to inhale glue.
Staff development days
Just when you thought teachers might get a break like the rest of us, they're already being forced to plan for 2018. This also eats into their holiday time, which has never and will never be OK.
Plan an excursion, they said. Getting the kids out of the classroom is a great thing to do in the last week of school, they said.
No. No. NO NO NO.
Excursions are not fun. They take considerably more planning than a normal day at school, which already takes a lot of planning.
And then what about the hoards of gross Christmas people out and about in public doing their shopping and trying to get car parks? It's really not an environment we'd wish on our worst enemy, let alone with a class of kids in tow.
Are you a teacher (bless your soul)? Have we missed any of the "fun" things you go through in the last week of school?