Friendships. We talk about them when they’re lovely. When they’re celebrated. When they’re awful. And when it’s time to ‘let go’.
We never talk about the awkward in-between moments.
The times in life where there is a ‘divide’ or a ‘wedge’ or great big glaring chasm that creeps between friends because they’re living in opposite life circumstances.
When one friend is working full time and the other is living in a college dorm crushing hard on their masters supervisor.
Watch the video playing above to see the words single people are always hearing.
When one friend never needs to worry about money and the other is counting dollars until pay day every single week of the year.
And then the deeper chasms, more difficult to cross:
When one friend can fall pregnant, and the other cannot.
When one friend is in a relationship, and the other is not.
When one friend can’t stop talking about their relationship, and the other is experiencing a whirlwind of emotions that usually swing between:
“I am grateful I am not in a relationship like that”, “Will I ever find a relationship like that” and, most jarringly, “Why is the woman-in-a-relationship pretending she can understand or fix or have an opinion about my singledom?”.
The 'advice' usually flows in one direction. From the money-owner to the penny-scraper. From the full-time worker to the seventh-year-arts-degree student.
From the person in a relationship, to the one who's single.
The intentions are never (usually) negative. The condescension and the unfair judgements that can rear their ugly head during a time of chasm-between-friends aren't coming from a bad place. Just a misinformed one.
Here's how is goes down:
There is the commiserative tactic.
Oh I didn't know you were single.
Does it get lonely?
There is the 'problem solving'.
My plumber is single... He's so nice, can I set you up?
I got the perfect person for you. Lets double date.
There is the jealousy.
I really miss being single.
You're so lucky you're single.
Would a ‘slow dating’ app work? Post continues below.
And there is the advice you can be sure she's heard 1 million times over and does not need to hear from you.
You just need to stop looking, it always happens when you stop looking.
Do you think you're being too picky?
Stop... Just, stop.
These are cliches we resort to when we're not sure how to deal with the awkwardness.
You think of lines from movies, things you've read in Hallmark cards. Most terribly, you reduce our friend to the stereotypical 'Bridget Jones' of the singles world.
Your friend isn't Bridget Jones.
She does not need to meet your plumber.
All she probably 'needs' is for you to listen when she wants you to.