We’ve sat through 290 bedroom reveals and finally – FINALLY – the only week that even matters has arrived.
I’m talking about kitchen week. Obviously.
But before we drooled over orgasmic copper kettles, there was an important matter to take care of. We needed to faux stress about Jason and Sarah being kicked off by Grumpy Scott Cam because last week they were all like “nah, ceebs” and… just… didn’t do anything.
We didn’t need to stress. They ended up completing three rooms in a single week, which is what the producers want us to call “the best Block comeback ever”, but really is just “what you can achieve when you’re excused from doing the stupid sponsored challenges”.
Listen to the latest episode of Mamamia’s weekly TV podcast, here.
Anyway, I digress. Here are the kitchens, rated from ‘least rich person worthy’ to ‘most rich person worthy’.
Clint and Hannah: 26/30
For a kitchen with about 12,000 ovens, 56 dishwashers and five wine storage areas, you’d think Clint and Hannah would pop a big-ass fridge into their ~luxury kitchen~.
Ha. Funny. But no.
Eating food is for LOSERS, haven't you heard?
Clint and Hannah are clearly not trying to sell their home to a family. No, no, their target market is 'alcoholics who travel in packs of five' - an affluent niche looking for property in Elsternwick, I hear.
Click through to see what Clint and Hannah's kitchen looked like...
Clint and Hannah's kitchen
Sticks and Wombat: 26.5/30
Apparently when you put a shit load of wood and metal into a room, it becomes what the pros call "raw luxury".
Ah yes, look at that $80,000 kitchen. So rustic. So rugged. So... raw.
Click through to see what Sticks and Wombat's kitchen looked like...
Sticks and Wombat's kitchen
Ronnie and Georgia: 28/30
We learned another pearl of interior design wisdom during Ronnie and Georgia's room reveal. That is, "grey is the new white".
I really would've really appreciated it if someone told me when "white became the new black" but that's fine. I'll show myself out.
Their kitchen is very nice, apart from the fact that it is completely devoid of colour. Why? Because colour is not fancy. White and grey and beige tones say upperclass. Colour says povo bogan. So it's best you throw out anything with a hint of colour immediately.
Oh, it's also a logistical nightmare that has two power points to service about 25 electrical appliances, because power points are ugly and exclusively for povo bogans too, okay?
Click through to see what Ronnie and Georgia's kitchen looked like...
Ronnie and Georgia's kitchen
Sarah and Jason: 28.5/30
I was going to be upset at Sarah and Jason for nearly derailing the entire bloody show last week, but holy crap their rooms are beautiful.
I would lick their bedhead if the opportunity arose.
If you want to know what the judges thought, the conversation went exactly like this:
Shaynna: THE CONTRAST!
Neale: THE SURFACES!
Darren: THE BALANCE!
Shaynna: THE TEXTURES!
Darren: THE FUNCTIONALITY!
Neale: THE CONTRAST!
Click through to see what Sarah and Jason's kitchen (and bedroom... and ensuite) looked like...
Sarah and Jason's kitchen (... and bedroom... and ensuite)
Elyse and Josh: 30/30
DRUMROLL, PLEASE.
For centuries womankind has searched for the perfect kitchen. And finally, in 2017, we know precisely what that looks like.
(Hint: very very similar to every other kitchen we've seen today, but with a slightly bigger space for the rich white people to hide their servants in the butler's pantry. And as we know, more space for servant hiding = very upperclass.)
Click through to see what Elyse and Josh's kitchen looked like...
Elyse and Josh's kitchen
Until next week, friends!
For more about The Block:
- Jason and Sarah received The Block’s lowest ever score. This is why they “gave up”.
- The Block room reveal recap: ‘These two need to sit down and rethink who they are.’
- The Block room reveal recap: One couple’s accused of “taking the piss.”
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