As always, Wednesday night’s episode of The Bachelor taught us a number of invaluable life lessons.
Among such wisdom as ‘wake boarding on a date is quite literally never a good idea’ and ‘it’s important to judge women on how well they interact with random five year olds’, the show made it blatantly clear that women have a duty, nay, an obligation, to share with a man their entire employment history… immediately.
Given that the season is almost at its half way point, Matty J decided to invite his older sister Kate to meet all his girlfriends and grill them on whether they’re dating a complete stranger on a national reality TV show for the right reasons, etc.
But while speaking to the women, a secret emerged.
You see, contestant Leah Costa was once a… how do we put this. She once… years ago… she… she worked as a topless waitress.
When Leah's 'secret' was exposed, Kate had a lot of questions for her. Is this still happening now? Does Matty J know?
At this point, Leah had spent approximately three minutes with Matty, and in the tradition of the show, they had spent that time talking about nothing.
But STOP. The moral outrage was HIGH. How could a woman looking for a serious relationship with a man she's never met have ever been a topless waitress? Doesn't she know that her body belongs to her future husband? How could she not have introduced herself from the start with the quintessential opening line: 'Hi, I'm Leah, and here's my CV'?
The mind boggles.
But what's particularly important is this: Having worked with your shirt off in the past is a disqualifying factor for being on The Bachelor. When you apply for the show, you're clearly told you can't ever have been naked in the past. Those are just the rules. Everyone knows that.
Oh... wait... wait a second.
If I didn't know better I could swear that's Blake Garvey, Mr. Bachelor 2014. He wasn't just on the show... he literally was the Bachelor. And he was a topless waiter. Ha - fancy that! I mean I guess there's always an exception to the rule.
But hold on a second.
Is that...? It couldn't be.
Surely that isn't Tim Robards, the very first Bachelor? He's... he's dressed as a sailor. He was... he was also a topless waiter.
It's almost as if there's some sort of... double standard?
But, hold on. Maybe I've misunderstood the rules. It must be that you're allowed to be a topless waiter/waitress, as long as you're THE Bachelor/Bachelorette. You just can't be a contestant who has experience in that line of work. I guess that makes sense (that makes literally no sense).
Lee Elliott wasn't just a contestant on The Bachelorette, he quite literally won.
Oh goodness, there are others too.
It's Fireman Cam. He appears to do a lot of 'being topless'. He was even Mr. May in a goddamn firefighter calendar.
It seems the real moral lesson we can learn from Wednesday night's episode of The Bachelor is that it's very different when a woman takes her top off for work, as opposed to when a man does it.