By ROSIE WATERLAND
Okay. Woah. Woah. Not only do we open on Bachie today, but we open on Bachie READING THE NEWSPAPER. As in, the one with words. AND, he has a shirt on! WHAT IS THIS?
Is this to remind us that he’s a business man who does business things? Must be. And the paper must be so heavy with important business things because Bachie is really flexing his biceps just to keep it upright:#BiznesLyf
Cut to Ridge Forrester’s house, and tensions are still running high between the original girls and ‘The Others’. Audrey Day-Knight (Laurina: Audrey Hepburn on the outside, Kath Day-Knight on the inside) has really been pushing that ‘segregation’ plan of hers: The Originals look mortified that they are being forced to mingle with The Others for the purposes of this show.
One of The Others volunteers to open the single date card. Audrey Day-Knight quietly passes around some antiseptic.
Chantal gets the single date, and erupts into the kind of dignified squeals that you would expect from someone who agreed to compete for a man on national television. Everyone is super excited for her, because she hasn’t spent any time alone with Bachie yet, even though she totally deserves it because she is one of the many women who has been dating him for six weeks.
Super lucky and super deserving Chantal is driven to a hotel room, where Bachie has asked her to take a bath (she does), put on the dress he has picked out (she does), put on the jewellery he has picked out (she does) and wait for him at a restaurant of his choosing (she does). She may be out on day-release but that sure as hell doesn’t mean she gets to make any of her own decisions.
It’s true love.
Talk talk/I think this is real/talk talk/you’re so cute no you are etc etc etc.
The best part of the date is when that Zumbo guy brings out what is possibly the best dessert I’ve ever seen:Rosie + this Zumbo thing forever.
I just want Bachie to move out of the way so I can picture myself sitting at the table with it. Just the two of us, in the candlelight, being together. I feel like I finally understand what it’s like to find true love on The Bachelor. This is real! NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND MY SENSITIVE HEART!
Ugh. Now they’re slow-dancing in an empty restaurant.
BRING BACK THE CAKE.
It’s so awkward.
ZUMBO! WHERE ARE YOU?
Bachie leans in for a kiss. Chantal must smell nice after that bath he insisted she take.
COME BACK TO ME DESSERT, MY SWEET LOVE.
Because he doesn’t want the night to end, but the producers didn’t want to pay any more cash, Bachie takes Chantal to their next destination: A couch in the corner of the room.