By ROSIE WATERLAND
Oh my glob, you guys. THREE FREAKING EPISODES TO GO.
And of course, because we’ve been waiting for it for so long, the editors have chosen to open tonight’s ep with a Bachie-Thinking SUPERCUT. He’s running and thinking. He’s swimming and thinking. He’s shirtless and thinking. He’s Bachie. And he’s thinking:
It’s like Sandra Sully has been saving that just for me. Love you, Sandra. Let’s do lunch. And please let Osher out of the basement once in a while – his hair needs the Vitamin D to stay strong.
Well, it’s Home Town Date-Night tonight and WE ARE NOT MESSING AROUND, PEOPLE. Things kick off immediately with Lipstick-then-not-lipstick Louise.
LOUISE’S HOME TOWN DATE: PICTURESQUE THREDBO.
Bachie meets Louise in her home town of Thredbo. Of course she looks like Malibu Stacey: The Snow Bunny Edition. Lots of frolicking in the snow ensues/making snow-angels/I’ve missed you so much/let’s not mention my other girlfriends/isn’t the snow beautiful etc etc etc.
TIME TO MEET THE FAM:
After sufficient snow-frolicking levels have been reached, they head off to Louise’s family home to meet her parents and brothers. And – Woah. Hold up. Louise is LOADED. Check out that freaking snow mansion. She could probably just buy The Bachelor and end this whole thing right now.
Her dad Terry reckons it’ll take him half an hour to be able to tell if Bachie is serious and if this is a real, long-term thing. Really, Tez? The fact Bachie has forced your daughter to compete against 29 other women for his attention hasn’t already given you some kind of indication of what this thing is all about? You’re meeting a man who judged your daughter’s character by seeing how long she could stay on a mechanical bull, and you reckon you need another half an hour?
Uh oh. DRAMA: Bachie spills a drink on Terry. He says it was an accident, but I think it was clearly a desperate attempt to get him to change out of that super-tight black polo. I don’t think Bachie appreciated not having the tightest shirt in the room.
Tez goes to clean up, then he and Bachie share a special romantic moment outside:I’m so glad my daughter is one of the four women you’re dating.
SAM’S HOME TOWN DATE: THE PICTURESQUE MORNINGTON PENINSULA.
Bachie and Sam meet. Lots of hugging/missed you/so excited to see you etc etc etc. They sit in a spa for a while. Romance.