By ROSIE WATERLAND
Oh girls. How your numbers have dwindled. Look at you sitting there, casually hanging out in Ridge Forrester’s house, like you haven’t been through an epic ordeal of romance. How strong you all are, to have withstood the pain of seeing your comrades fall. And all for the perfect man – the man who is dating all of you, and picking you off, one by one. YOU ARE TRUE HEROES.
OSHER’S HERE! Oh. And he’s gone again. That was quick. Back to the dungeon in the bowels of Channel Ten, no doubt. Hair with that much dye should not be exposed to natural light for extended periods. Also, he needs to practise his love-puns for upcoming episodes. Sandra Sully won’t brush his hair until he can get through a whole sentence without any mistakes. Which is kind of hard when he can’t stop crying and thinking of Dicko.
Lipstick Louise gets the single date. Although, in a shocking and dramatic twist, she’s stopped with the lipstick and gone for a ‘new look’. Which means the two most interesting things she’s now done on this show are wear lipstick, then not wear it. This should be riveting.
SINGLE DATE TIME!
Lipstick-then-not-lipstick Louise meets Bachie as he arrives via helicopter. A helicopter that she is certain he designed, built and piloted himself. They head to some winery in the Hunter Valley, and we get to spend the trip listening to Bachie talk about how
much they connect she’s hot and how he really feels like he knows her after one date she’s hot and how he’s hoping to get to know her even more on this second date she’s hot.
They take a horse and carriage ride through the winery, because Bachie is halfway through reading Cinderella and he really likes the parts with the horse and carriage (‘carriage’ is a super-hard word to read, but he can still tell from the pictures).
Louise gives Bachie a piece of caramel slice that she baked herself, which means her journey on this show now consists of wearing lipstick, not wearing lipstick, and baking. Which actually might be just the right level of complexity for our li’l Bachie.
Lots of smiling/so in love/there used to be a girl who wore lipstick who looked a lot like you but I haven’t seen her for a while/love/love etc.
Lipstick-then-not-lipstick Lousie says that she has a man list and Bcchie meets all the requirements on that man list. A dude who forces me to compete with 23 other women isn’t really one of my prerequisites, but each to her own, I guess.
They kiss. She gets a rose. Successfully attempts every recipe from Julia Child’s Mastering The Art Of French Cooking. End date.