I’ve always wanted four children. I’m not sure why. Probably because I am one of four, maybe because my daughter Caterina, 7, is desperate for a sister, although I did explain that it might be a boy and she said that would be okay, but that if it was a boy she would be happy as long as I bought her a rabbit. Then after a moment she added that even if the baby is the baby sister of her dreams she would still like a rabbit, but it could be a boy or a girl.
I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that it was the rabbit conversation that gave me pause when it comes to having another baby. What is really giving me pause is the fact that my second child, Giovanni, 8, is special needs. It’s difficult and expensive. We have no idea how his life is going to be and how best to help him.
Add to that my “extra needs” first child Philip, 12, whose food allergies guaranteed his first few years of life were as terrifying as possible.
And still I want another child.
5 things about pregnancy. Article continues after this video.
There are other factors. I’m 40, I’m busy, my husband is busy and my family would freak out if they knew. Well, they know now don’t they.
Top Comments
I understand your fear. The end truth is that nobody can make this decision but yourself. I think that probably the best way to look at it (as harsh as it sounds) is to imagine worst case scenario. What happens if you don't win the genetic lottery 4th time around? If you had another child on the spectrum with much higher needs than your 2nd child what impact would that have? Or if there were other medical conditions involved (which is always a possibility for anyone, especially more so the older that a Mum gets). Could you and your family cope? There is the possibility that you might have a child who has no additional needs also! It's a really hard decision - one that I faced when deciding to go for #3 (one of my children is also special needs). As it happened 'life' got in the way anyway and with one circumstance or another there just wasn't a 'right' time until I considered it too big of an age gap to have another child. I still sometimes wonder what if we had had a third (I never had that 'finished' feeling that some Mums report), but at the same time I can appreciate the new stages in our lives that we have moved on to that would be much harder to do with a baby in tow. It's really nice to be a slightly older family now and get to do things with 'older' kids without worrying about how to incorporate a much younger child's needs and wishes. So there are pros and cons.
The fact is that there is no way to know how #4 might turn out unless you take the leap. You have to consider that things might not go well though and just make sure that it is something that you think you can all deal with if things do turn out that way. If so, then happy baby making! Best of wishes in making that decision with your family!