Parents. Worried your teenager isn’t using contraception?
Step 1. Ask him/her to look after small children.
Step 2. Leave the country.
My internet search history is littered with terms like ‘age’, ‘requirement’ and ‘vasectomy’. I’m definitely leaving New South Wales, where abortion is barely-legal. And there’s no way I’m ever having sex again. It’s not worth it. What if something goes wrong?What if the condom breaks? Is there a limit to the number of condoms you can wear during sex? Is three too many?
If you missed Part One, you can catch-up here.
I guarantee the little people I’ve spent the past week looking after will take any preconception you have of the word ‘dependent’, and smash it to pieces. Think two-week-old kitten. With no legs. Who also can’t hear.
I love them to bits. I really do. The adoration I have for my 11-year-old sister and 8-year-old brother is up there with that I usually reserve for crusty bread. And clean sheets.
But we’re three days into my week-long parent role. There are four to go. And my adoration is wearing thin.
It’s the night before my sister’s school camp, and we’re in front of the TV. It’s way past their bedtime. But we’re watching a cool animal documentary. And – not unlike the previous three nights – the whole ‘putting them to bed’ thing isn’t showing up on my priority radar. That can be future Luca’s problem.
Apparently, when a lioness goes out hunting she leaves her cubs alone in the den. David Attenborough says so.
The cubs don’t sit there waiting to die: they don’t hang around until they’re eaten by a cheetah; they don’t wait for Mum to come back and help them use the lion toilet.
They lift their game.
If a cheetah comes, they hide. If they’re thirsty, they find water… they’re left to fend for themselves and when push comes to shove they pickup the responsibility in order to survive.
I only wish my human cubs were lion ones…
Holly Wainwright and Andrew Daddo asked their kids to give a parenting performance review, on This Glorious Mess (Post continues after audio).
Luca asks his siblings to review his parenting performance, later in this post.
0600 – Sister due at school by 7am. Still asleep. House dark. Realise haven’t exercised in three days. Sit-ups.
0604 – Bored of sit-ups.