You know that couple you thought would never break up, until one day they surprised everyone by splitting, seemingly out of the blue? They were the ones who never fought, who seemed to have it all together. The ones you held up as a model of what a healthy relationship should look like.
Of course, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. But sometimes couples don’t even know what’s going on in their own relationship.
There can be subtle signs of danger in a relationship – so subtle, you don’t even see your own split coming. And these ones in particular, could indicate you may be starting to subconsciously uncouple…
1. You’re reconnecting with old friends on Facebook.
Facebook is great for catching up with people from your past. And there’s nothing wrong with reconnecting with old friends. But if you find yourself friend requesting a bunch of your former classmates, or pals from your single days, think about why you’re doing it.
They don’t necessarily have to be old flames; even reigniting platonic friendships from your past can mean you’re trying to recapture someone you used to be – the person you were before you were married. If she’s trying to tell you something, you might want to listen.
2. You’re spending a lot of time on your own.
Doing your own thing is healthy; no one wants to be one of those women who loses her identity to her relationship. But at some point, spending loads of time apart is a sign that something is wrong. Matchmaker and author Siggy Flicker compares a relationship to a dance that can’t be done alone.
“Once people start going on their own way and getting busy and they stop making a point to spend time with one another one-on-one, their relationship starts to go sour,” she told TODAY.
3. You’re hanging out with your single friends more often.
If part of the reason you’re spending a lot of time apart is that you’re hanging with the girls more often, it could be a sign that you miss your single life – and that maybe you should go back to it. Happy couples are boring; they’re often content to Netflix and chill.
4. You’ve got a bunch of new hobbies.
Have you suddenly taken up knitting, and canning vegetables you grew yourself? Have you joined a book club, and a church, and started training for a marathon? And are you doing all these things without your partner? There’s a fine line between pursuing your own interests and trying to avoid your marriage.
Relationship expert and author Susan Shapiro Barash says it’s normal for a marriage to go through phases, and one of those is the phase when women start to get restless and wonder if they’re getting anything from their marriage at all. According to Barash, this often happens around midlife, and it’s frequently the last act of a marriage.