After finding out how much money millennials have sitting in their bank accounts last week, I knew I had begun something equal parts addictive, brilliant and destructive.
‘What about the other stuff we keep secret from each other?’ I mused on the tram ride home from work, wondering if my university degree was worth it.
There’s just so much more we keep private than just money. Like… for instance… sex.
How much are my fellow millennials having SEX? Are they having lots? Not much? None at all? And how many sexual partners do most people have? More than me? Less? The same?
‘I MUST KNOW RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT,’ I decided, as you clearly did too, because you clicked and are therefore very, very nosy like I am.
(Ahhhh. Look at us, you guys! All the intrusive people, finally gathered in the one place. A place of admittance and acceptance. It truly does feel like home, doesn’t it? I’m so happy we were brought together by a love of knowing things we should not know.)
LISTEN: How to spice up your sex life, according to Osher Gunsberg. (Post continues…)
Anyway. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how much millennials are gettin’ jiggy with it.
‘I am extremely tired’
Oh my god. A 25-year-old woman, who has slept with about 45 people, says she gets down and dirty a colossal 15 TIMES EVERY SINGLE WEEK. You see, she’s one of those people who are in a “new relationship bubble”.
It goes without saying, she’s bloody stoked with how things are. Meanwhile, I’m slightly worried about her electrolyte levels and am hoping she drinks a lot of Gatorade.
“I think we have super open communication and similar levels of sexual energy,” she told me. “It’s a big part of our relationship and hopefully will continue to be.”
A decade in…
After being with their partner for over a decade, one 31-year-old respondent said they have sex once a week.
This has made them “not particularly satisfied” unfortunately, explaining: “Being in a long-term relationship means you get bored and unexcited, so you find yourself, uh, enjoying yourself alone more often than not.”
They’ve slept with “just under 30” people over the years.
For a single 23-year-old, satisfaction depends entirely on the guy she's, well... boning. She's slept with 13 people, and gets her fix on average once a week.
Long distance blues
For a 25-year-old woman, living apart from her boyfriend of one year has resulted in a lacklustre sex life. Because most weeks are spent ridin' solo, she thinks her average romps per week would be close to zero.
She's had 18 sexual partners in her lifetime, and is currently feeling sexually unsatisfied. Boo.
"I have it on tap"
For a 22-year-old, who has had a total of nine sexual partners but has been with her boyfriend for 18 months, her sex life is going strong. She has sex between eight and 10 times a week. What a champion.
"[We] often try new things and new ways to satisfy each other which is always fun," she said. "Both of us always reach orgasm as we like to make it a team effort and help each other out sometimes with the use of toys too."
For a hitched 34-year-old, who has been with her husband for three years and has had seven sexual partners over the years, it's all about "quality over quantity". This leaves them having sex about once a week.
The woman says she very satisfied, but believes other millennials are likely having more sex than her.
"I've had more sexual partners than most women my age"
"Because I've had a number of sexual partners, most sex these days is underwhelming," one 25-year-old woman told me.
Having slept with more than 40 people (quote: "I've lost count"), this millennial is tired of being judged for her sexual choices.
"It's ironic that millennials are supposed to be the most sexually liberal generation, yet we still feel like we need to lie about how many partners we've had," she said.
She's currently single, and not really having any sex at all right now.
"I'm satisfied because I know that is my choice: I'm prioritising other goals over sex and relationships. I know if I wanted to have sex, I could jump on tinder and line something up almost immediately, but I don't feel the need."
A 23-year-old, who has been with her partner for three years, says she has sex about twice a week.
With 11 men, err, under her belt, she thinks she's had more sex than other millennials over the years, but feels sexually unsatisfied.
"I'm not sexually satisfied," she told me. "I think my antidepressants are affecting my libido."
"Satisfied is the most extravagant of understatements"
Yep, those are the words of a particularly chuffed 19-year-old, who is sleeping with their partner of two months about six times a week.
They've had sex with six people over the years, and believe they're having more sex than other people their age. (Rightly so, pal. Rightly so.)
"I blame movies and TV"
For a 28-year-old who has been with her husband - her only sexual partner - for over 10 years, her sex life isn't "amazing".
They don't measure how often they sleep together each week, because it'd probably be 0 times, she said. They may have sex once or twice a month instead.
"I have recently come off the pill after 10 years so there has been a shift in my sex drive, I feel like I am interested more frequently than before, so it has changed the dynamic," she said.
"After so long together it becomes routine sometimes so you always need to keep it interesting and shake it up a bit."
Our constant desire for mind-blowing sex is misguided, she believes, and believes settling for mediocre sex is A-OK.
Did these answers surprise you? How much sex are you having every week?