In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to choose between friendship and good sex when it comes to finding a life partner. You’d get both. The sad reality is that oftentimes it’s one or the other. Or it starts off one way, and becomes another.
You start off being wild about each other, but find that the passion fades.
Or you begin as good friends, and develop passion born of trust.
Seven Year Switch is a controversial new TV show that sees couples swapping partners in an attempt to figure out if their troubled relationships are salvageable. It’s compelling viewing. I didn’t expect to love it so much. These brave people are so open and honest about their problems. It is clear they are all suffering and are desperate for a resolution.
I hope this show helps them achieve this.
Last night’s episode was epic, with Brad confessing to new friend Jackie that he and his partner Tallena haven’t had sex for 11 months, “not that I’m counting,” he said.
It got worse.
“We don’t kiss passionately. It’s like she’s my best friend. That’s how I see it, it’s just like she’s my best friend.”
My husband was never my best friend. Ours was a relationship born of passion. We were not suited, didn’t make a good match, were from different backgrounds and wanted different things. Even our star signs weren’t in sync. On paper, we were all wrong.
Watch Brad’s as he makes this revelation to Jackie and she has trouble containing her shock. Post continues after this video…
Except we were completely and totally physically infatuated with each other. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I married the best sex I’d ever had and four years into the relationship, I realised I’d made a terrible mistake.
My husband wasn’t my best friend. He wanted me to be happy, as long as it meant I wanted all the same things he wanted. Our relationship was exhausting. There were epic fights and dramatic breakups and tearful reunions and declarations of love and hate. How we got through those first few years, I have no idea.
It’s only been in the second half of our relationship that we have become best friends. The passion ebbs and flows, but the friendship is stronger than it has ever been. We not only love each other and want each other, we also prioritise each other’s happiness. We are lucky that the friendship developed at a time that the passion had seemingly run out. The friendship saved us.
Maybe marrying your “wild lover” isn’t so bad after all, as long as you eventually develop a lasting friendship.
Sex Therapist Matty Silver says couples who start out having great sex can soon run into problems if they are not careful. “The problem is that they have this romantic belief that sex should ALWAYS be like those early days. This is an example that can happen when you marry your ‘wild lover’.”