celebrity

The Sex And The City stars have missed a crucial detail in their 'feud'.

The Sex and The City stars are having a bit of a tiff. (This is something a tabloid would refer to as a ‘cat fight’ because, as we all know, the one half of the population that was born with fallopian tubes were put on Earth to: 1. Make babies and 2. Fight with other fallopian tube owners who make babies. You see, women argue because of their periods and hormones and stuff. Women are also the direct descendants of felines. It’s science. Google it.)

For anyone who missed this important earth-shattering news, let me explain what’s happened. In dot points.

  1.  A third movie in the Sex and The City franchise was reportedly due to begin filming on Tuesday, until it was cancelled altogether.
  2. Page Six spoke to “sources” about this, who said: “They were supposed to start shooting [on Tuesday]. Kim Cattrall was negotiating and was asking for things the studio wouldn’t go for, so they pulled the plug… It’s no secret Kim isn’t a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker and [producer] Michael Patrick King.”
  3. Daily Mail ran approximately 12,637 stories about this “rift” and these unsubstantiated “demands”. Because… well… Daily Mail.
  4.  Kim Cattrall hopped on ye olde Twitter the next morning to write: “The only ‘DEMAND’ I ever made was that I didn’t want to do a 3rd film….& that was back in 2016.”
  5. Sarah Jessica Parker appeared on a red carpet in New York, where she told reporters: “I’m disappointed. We had this beautiful, funny, heartbreaking, joyful, very relatable script and story.”
  6. Kristin Davis and Willie Garson (he played Carrie’s gay best friend on the show) expressed their ‘disappointment’ online.
  7. Then Kim Cattrall appeared on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories to share this about Sarah Jessica Parker: “I don’t know what her problem is, I never have. This feels like a toxic relationship.”
  8. The world collectively cringed. Daily Mail published another 12,637 stories.

But wait.

I could have prevented this fiasco with something that 99 per cent of the people involved have missed. The truth is, this whole damn thing could have been squashed before it got so messy. And not at dot point seven… or five… or three. Earlier than that.

Let’s take a wee look at dot point 1, shall we?

  1. “A third movie in the Sex and The City franchise was reportedly due to begin filming…”

Wait.

Hold up.

No.

Stop.

A third Sex and The City movie? ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ON THIS PLANET OR IN THE STRATOSPHERE NEXT DOOR HAS EVER ASKED FOR THAT.

Listen: The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss the SATC fiasco. (Post continues…)

You see, I was once a big SATC fan. Huge. My sister and I would buy the seasons one-by-one as we could afford them. And the episodes were epic. Fresh and progressive and funny and surprising and edgier than anything else on television.

Then came the first movie. It was solid. Carrie wore a legitimate bird on her head at her doomed wedding. Charlotte pooed her pants in Mexico. Miranda’s husband cheated. I could look at Samantha’s glorious outfits all day long.

“What a brilliant ending to a marvellous series!” the fans said with a sigh of relief. We moved on with our lives.

Then – THEN – we were betrayed. By this:

ADVERTISEMENT
Just a bit... um... inappropriate?

Yep. Sex and The City bloody TWO. The trainwreck that was arguably offensive to Middle Eastern women and achieved a rating of 16/100 from film critics on Rotten Tomatoes, basically destroying the story lines that were COMPLETED JUST FINE AFTER THE FIRST FILM.

While one film critic called the film "horrific", The New York Times' A. O. Scott wrote: "You may be shocked at just how much older you feel when the whole thing is over."

I would tell you what happened in those tragic two hours and seven minutes, but I don't even remember. There was no storyline. There was no structure. There was just the sugary stuff - fashion and sex - smeared over a marshmallow of subtle racism and nothingness.

The fans walked away royally pissed off - annoyed that a brilliant show had been tainted by a terrible sequel. It will likely take us years to recover.

So thank the lord SATC 3 will not be created.

When I remember SATC, we want to think of the good times: Carrie's naked dress. The time Aidan and Big got into a brawl at the country shack. Charlotte putting a row of stamps around her cardiologist husband's penis. Miranda falling pregnant to Steve but still having sex with a bunch of other dudes.

Sometimes - wait, no, always - good things are better left to stand as they are.

You can listen to the full episode of Mamamia Out Loud below:

00:00 / ???