Ok, so you are here… You are SEPARATED! I think it would be safe to say that most don’t think that they get into a relationship or marriage knowing it will fail and that there will be the “fall out” period.
This “fall out” can be like no other experience in your life. It is one where you fall into a world full of unknowns and emotional rollercoasters that you attempt to ride the best way you can. You end up landing in a place where you end up fighting or having major blows with someone who you’ve shared your life with intimately for a period of time.
Hindsight is wonderful, and using these simple separation hacks, that many have only found after going through the journey, may save you months of soul searching.
1. Let yourself be sad (letting go of a person or the family unit is crushing).
Do not underestimate the power your ex may have had on you. Let’s face it, breaking up with someone you relied upon or shared your thoughts with daily isn’t going to be easy to let go for most of us. Spend days being SAD. Mope around in your PJ’s and eat chocolate or watch bad TV back to back. Then, make an effort to dust it off and wake up the next morning focused on making simple steps to a happier day.
2. Invest in a co-parenting app.
An app can help manage logistics and interactions that need to happen when you share kids together. This simple hack will diffuse many emotional explosions in front of the kids. It keeps things simple and objective when all you want to do is unleash your emotions on your ex. The use of apps really helps avoid those uncomfortable situations for the kids. A few apps that our tribe have been using are COZI, 2HOUSES, and Our Family Wizard.
3. Set up mechanisms to avoid high conflict (neutral exchanges).
This hack is similar to point two, in that it diffuses the emotional conflict that is a temptation when you see your ex. Setting up neutral exchanges for kids rather than direct drop off and pickup at your homes may help avoid the temptation to unleash your fury. Consider organising exchanges at school or at after school activities, perhaps a friend’s house or even a child contact centre in a highly volatile or even violent situation.
Ian Shann, a mediator with over 20 years of experience in the area of separation and divorce from Move On Mediation, gives his advice: