dickheads ‘Scary Clowns’,
You remember that kid in primary school? The annoying, smelly, dirty kid who always picked his nose and took the joke too far? Like, someone else would make a fart noise and everyone would giggle, and then he’d copy that fart noise again and again until everyone was so over it they wanted him to fade into thin air? Because his low level of intelligence prevented him from a) realising the joke wasn’t funny any more and b) coming up with an actually amusing antic?
You are that kid. And judging by the amount you’re flogging the dead horse that is this ‘creepy clown‘ bullshit, I’m assuming you have always been that kid.
At first, I was just rolling my eyes at your stupid street-walking stunts. “Here go those crazy nerds, again!” I thought. “This will be the new PoGo!” But then, you had the primary school in my suburb shut down for a day because of a ‘lurking clown’.
AND THEN… you attacked a McDonald’s.
That’s my happy place, you bastards. Ronald would be SO disappointed.
Perhaps, for one millisecond at the beginning of this embarrassing month of media coverage, it was funny. No, wait a sec. The first guys to put on a clown mask in South Carolina were trying to lure kids into a forest. There’s a fine, fine line between ‘funny’ and ‘so f**king mentally disturbed they should be in a straightjacket’. Except that it’s not a fine line, it’s a gaping chasm. And creepily luring kids into dark woods is waaaaay on the straightjacket side.
Look, it’s not entirely your fault, Bozos. The media is a lot to blame here. News sites and journalists were putting out ‘warnings’ to other areas and countries that this ‘might’ start ‘happening’ in their neighbourhoods too.
IT WOULDN’T IF YOU DIDN’T GIVE THE NEIGHBOURHOOD LOSERS THE IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MICROPHONED NITWITS. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPPP.
Somehow, somehow, news travelled around the world, and now all you ol’ smelly kids are doing it.
But it’s not just that it’s dangerous and a public nuisance (kids can’t sleep, primary schools are sending home letters, and one woman actually went into an early labour, she got so scared).
You are not funny; you are dangerous.
It's that it's so lame, I AM EMBARRASSED FOR YOU.
I am cringing at the idea that in 50 years, I might have to explain to my Grandchildren that, "Yes, sweetheart, 2016 was a terrifying year. There was the Creepy Clowns Craze and there was Donald Trump. And yes, sweetheart, they can be easily mistaken for each other."